Apparently a prerequisite for coming on Married At First Sight this year is that you need to have ludicrously judgmental mates who are hell-bent on voicing unnecessary opinions about your new “spouse” on national television. Say what you will about MAFS but you cannae deny that it’s a show of consistency.
Josh and Melissa got hitched tonight and I was obsessed by their deeply horny Disney union. They are legendary and I will not hear otherwise.
Less iconic, however, were Melissa’s gaggle of hens which she calls her “friends”. They spent the entire wedding clucking about how much they hate Josh and FFS, quit roosting for five seconds, ladies.
The nastiness started seconds after the Disney Dad and Horny Mum trotted happily down the aisle after exchanging, quite possibly, the most bamboozling vows MAFS has ever seen. A Disney honeymoon AND Notting Hill references from DD? Consider me gagged, nay gooped, by that dynamic duo.
Yes, they were cringe — but were they enough to immediately despise the man and cast judgement? No, obviously not.
Melissa’s friends on the other hand decided to make fun of the bloke during the ceremony. They were all like, “Poor guy!” and “She’ll eat him alive!” and the internet was not having a bar of it.
Melissa’s friends rn: #MAFS #MAFSAU pic.twitter.com/K5PlYfdY5b
— ✨ 𝒜𝓁𝑒𝓍 ✨ (@SmartAlexGenX) February 5, 2023
Melissa and her friends:#mafs #MAFSAU pic.twitter.com/wyuj1Zu2MV
— Poppy (@Poppy45854074) February 5, 2023
But that was just the start of the meanie poo antics. One woman named Olivia (the jury is out on whether that’s her real name or the MAFS producers decided to add shit to the stew and do a wee Olivia Frazer throwback) simply would not stop flapping her lip at the reception.
She said DD was “fucking boring” and questioned whether he’d be “enough fun” for Horny Mum, all because he’s gentle, adores Disney and plays Mario games on his Nintendo Switch.
Twitter, again, was begging Olivia — and the rest of Melissa’s alleged mates — to calm their farms and give the poor bloke a chance.
melissa’s friends are not it chief #mafsau
— 🤍 (@britttanyk) February 5, 2023
are all these “friends” from this wedding sourced from rent a crowd? #mafsau #mafs
— teresa (@augustfallin) February 5, 2023
justice for josh. playing Mario on the switch is not boring to me #mafs #mafsau
— hi (@ladiesb1rd) February 5, 2023
You’ve JUST met him lady in green. Give it a day. #mafs #mafsau
— Ira Snave (@IraSnave) February 5, 2023
Shut up Melissa’s friends #MAFSAU
— Bbbeck (@bbbeckb) February 5, 2023
And these friends of this woman sabotaging her lol leave her alone! This is annoying she likes him and is ready to give something different ago! Shush!!!!! #MAFSAU
— Eliza Barr (@ElizaJBarr) February 5, 2023
This group of girls is not a vibe. Support your friends don’t bring that kind of negative energy to a person #MAFSAU #MAFS
— Stacey❤💙🏆 (@_Stacey1987) February 5, 2023
I don’t think Melissa’s friends have the right to say what they’re saying. They’ve just brought her down and it’s not based on anything concrete (yet). #MAFSAU
— Natalie Staaks (@natalie_staaks) February 5, 2023
Melissa’s friend Olivia after bagging out Disney Dad for no reason #mafs #mafsau pic.twitter.com/fP0K6Din3g
— big neck bec (@beggywilliamz) February 5, 2023
Just support your friend. It’s not that hard. The man just got married on national television and your shitting on him for not running around with his trousers on his head. #mafs #mafsau
— Ira Snave (@IraSnave) February 5, 2023
It was so horrible to witness ‘cos Horny Mum was besotted with the fella and felt like she’d bagged a normal. Yes, she kept banging on about how much she wanted to root him and definitely caused heaps of Boomers to google what “snow plough” meant after the producers cruelly decided to keep *that* rogue line in. But let the gal come to her own conclusion about the man! Stop projecting and raining on her parade!
Gee whiz. Thank God we ticked the last two weddings off tonight because I was starting to get a bit sick of white frocks, lipsy friends and blokes saying, “I knew you were the one the moment I saw you!” in their vows.
It’s the first dinner party tomorrow night so you better get your finest shatter-proof wine glasses ready. Just make sure you catch up on tonight’s proceedings (featuring the most awkward wedding ceremony ever between Layton and Melinda) via our stunning recap first.
