It’s time to air Sara’s dirty little secret in the MAFS 2024 recap of Episode 24. I hope everyone pronounces Sara’s name how she wants it to be pronounced because she terrifies me when fired up.
Should I be concerned that every time the producers talk about Timothy and Lucinda, I get excited that they’ve fucked? Like, is that normal behaviour to be invested in another relationship’s sex life? Feels weird.
Anyway, as far as I can tell, they haven’t! But are getting closer to it, maybe? Sorry.
Timothy and Cassandra are worried about Tristan — as well as likely everyone in the experiment and around Australia too — after Jack, a personal trainer, made a fat-shaming comment at the MAFS couples retreat.
“I’m definitely the fat dude in the group aren’t I?” Tristan says and all I can think is: fuck you, Jack. FUCK YOUUUU.
This is so sad. Kids can be so cruel, but its so fucking annoying when those kids never grow up.
Lauren’s pissed and wants to make Jack apologise in front of the group. They’re sick of Jack’s shit and his nipples. Same!
Jack is smug because even though Tori is sick, she won’t let him face the MAFS dinner party alone.
“That’s my wife,” he smiles and you know what? It’s wild that Tori previously had problems with smug faces because Jack seems to always have one.
Tori reckons she won’t have egg on her face when it comes to Jack’s behaviour because he always shows a willingness to improve after the 375 mistakes he’s made in the last six weeks alone.
It truly must be so tiring being disappointed in her husband every other day. No wonder she’s unwell!
It’s MAFS dinner party time and Lauren reveals that Tristan had been confiding in Jack and asking for nutrition tips prior to the fat-shaming comment. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse.
Lauren would like to rub Jack’s face in piss for what he’s done but sadly, I think that could make him erect.
Jack is hopeful for a nice and normal dinner party and you wouldn’t know it given he’s so persistent on being a disrespectful a-hole.
Andie walks in alone because she had a sickie Dicky at home. Probably a good thing as I know Dicky likes a good closed-eye chuckle, which is what I do every time Jayden refers to being “passionately” against cheating.
As soon as the MAFS cast hit the dinner table, Jack immediately pulls Tristan and Timothy to the side for a chat. Did he just say, “Sit over there, big fella”? I am this close to flipping my laptop.
Jack proceeds to tell Tristan that the whale comment was “a joke” and that he needs to be more mindful as “you never know who is around”. Jesus fucking Christ, that is so not the point.
Then he lightly blames Timothy for bringing it back up around the campfire and triggering Tristan.
As Jack is serving up his pathetic excuse for an apology, he says things like, “Let me speak, my friend” and “I know you’ve had a rough time, this is for me.”
Heavens. Say you’re only interested in clearing your name and relationship without actually saying it.
Jack has #gifted Tristan a voucher for a… supplement store.
“To help him not be a whale?” MAFS expert Alessandra Rampolla scoffs from the viewing room.
He also has a keyring for Tristan that says “you are enough”. It is WILD to me that Jack has clients.
“Tristan’s falling for it,” sighs Mel Schilling.
“Just remember mate, it’s all on the inside,” Jack continues. “I’m here for you.”
Where’s a bag of dicks when you need one.
Back at the dinner table, Tori said she can’t justify Jack’s fat-shaming comment but will not hold him at the stake for it.
She’s halfway to being fed up with his shit.
Eden and Jayden have pulled Sara and Tim aside to drop the bomb that’s been chewing Eden up.
“I’m not willing to lose Jayden over protecting you,” Eden tells her, noting that Jayden saw the message Sara sent her.
OK side note: this isn’t true right? Like, didn’t Eden tell Jayden during the retreat that Sara messaged asking for something to wear to see her ex-boyfriend?
Anyway, Eden and her newfound confidence continue to tell Sara that if she doesn’t tell Tim, she and Jayden will.
She says she “ran into” her ex and our Gold(en) Coast couple call her out on that straight away.
Sara then admits they met up, but it wasn’t a date, even though she asked to wear something of Eden’s.
“My ex and I are actually still friends,” Sara says. I’m sure that in the intros she told us how much he fucked her around, and how he had a hold on her, so this cannot be good.
Sara admits she told Tim she had a friend’s birthday when she was instead meeting up with her ex.
“I know it’s wrong, I know that,” she says.
Tim knows that it’s “some bullshiiiit”.
Eden and Jayden have left, likely because they know Sara is about to strain her vocal cords and they don’t want their eardrums to suffer.
“Nothing happened but I did hang out with him, yes,” Sara tells Tim, who immediately walks off and out of the dinner party.
He tells producers he’s not OK, especially after he’s continuously tried to meet Sara’s needs and expectations and felt like he was never enough as a result.
Sara plants herself at the table to address the situation head-on. Does she realise Tim’s not there? Because that’s who you should be apologising to, no?
“I didn’t cheat on the guy. I wasn’t doing anything that was remotely that terrible,” Sara says.
She reckons her ex isn’t even available and has been with someone else for the last six years.
Eden catches her lying yet again, saying that Sara told Tim she was puppy sitting when she wasn’t. As a professional pet sitter, I resent that.
Tim feels like an idiot, and that he’s been led on.
“She told me she slept with her ex a month before the experiment,” Tim tells the table, after Sara has left it, of course.
Interesting. If her ex has had a partner for the last six years, that means Sara is fine with cheating.
You know who’s not fine with cheating? Jayden, Eden and… Jade. Our voice of reason!
“She should know what she wants at this point and if she wants to meet up with her ex, don’t drag Tim along and don’t keep writing stay and telling Tim you guys are good,” Jade says. Nail on the head!
Tim thinks Sara’s definitely still sleeping with the ex.
Sara returns to the table and asks no one to interrupt.
She maintains nothing happened, which Tim doesn’t buy considering she took the whole weekend off.
It’s interesting that Sara chose to keep this information to herself in case Tim got angry about it, when she literally was trying to get him riled up over Jack kissing her neck. It’s not adding up, babe.
Sara confirms she had sex with the ex-boyfriend a month before the MAFS experiment started.
Now, however, her story has changed and her ex-boyfriend no longer has the girlfriend of six years (which he had in the story five minutes ago) .
“They’re still together but they are on again off again,” Sara scrambles.
I feel truly bad for the woman sitting at home watching this, realising her partner of six years is cheating on her.
“I did sleep with my ex while he had a partner, yes,” Sara finally comes clean.
“But I didn’t cheat on Tim.”
Now she’s fucking riled up. We knew it was coming!
“How many of you at this fucking table have cheated on a partner. Raise your fucking hand!!”
Turns out no one was personally victimised by Regina George this time around.
“If Sara actually respected me, if she had any remorse at all, she would’ve come to me and apologised. But she didn’t,” Tim says.
Sara would like to leave now. Now! NOWWWW!
This next Commitment Ceremony will be good. Better be! See you there.
Chantelle Schmidt is a freelance writer. Follow her on Instagram.
