Is everyone ready for the MAFS 2024 recap of Episode 23? If it means that we find out whatever the fuck Eden is hiding, count me in!
Sara and Lauren have pulled Tori aside to drop several more bombs about her shit husband, Jack.
They preface the conversation just like anyone who’s about to twist a knife into your dignity would, telling Tori they care about her and want the best for her. Blah blah blah!
“Jack’s been overly flirty with me,” Sara tells Tori, adding that Jack told Tim he’s got the “hottest wife” in this experiment.
Something tells me she loved and hated relaying that comment in equal measure. I could be wrong.
She then tells Tori that Jack “lightly smacked” her butt.
She proceeds to tell Tori that he kissed her neck, and even though she’s been questioning her interpretation of events, she knows she shouldn’t be because at the end of the day, it’s made her feel a certain way.
Tori thinks this situation spells “carnage disaster” and receiving this information has pissed her off. In other news, the water is wet and Jack’s a turd!
Anyway Jack’s back from Da Boiz night so Tori’s going to address the situation head-on.
“I don’t wanna comment on it. That’s so ridiculous,” Jack tells Tori. Look, I’ve never kissed the neck of my friend’s spouse but I’m pretty sure not commenting on something like that usually means you’re guilty.
He justifies the neck kiss by saying he was trying to avoid Sara’s makeup.
“I can’t stand Sara,” he adds.
He reckons he didn’t say she was the hottest, but the “most striking”. Like a “red Ferrari”! That’s “looking for some clout”.
It truly baffles me how this man weasels his way out of everything from sexist comments to unsolicited touching. At this point the whole thing just makes me sad.
Lucinda has written Timothy a poem following his emotional breakthrough in MAFS Episode 22.
“I felt very vulnerable and Lucinda made me feel like I was safe,” he explains to producers. I love how they are navigating Timothy’s grief as a team. Shit, I’m so invested in them. Help!
Lucinda is taking Timothy on a free walking tour through Byron Bay’s guts.
“She’s a free spirit and I’m loving it,” Tim says and you know what? I’m not even mad that six weeks ago he was hoping for rain during their wedding that involved a sacrificial chicken. I’m just so proud of him and the field day he is having over the bare feet of Byron.
Later, Timothy tells Lauren and Sara (what is this gossip tripod that’s formed here? I AM LIVING FOR IT) that Tristan was already feeling self-conscious by the pool when Jack came over where they both were and said, “I see the whales are here today.”
What the actual fuck is wrong with him? Like, there’s literally no excuse or context in which that comment by the pool would ever be appropriate.
“As a personal trainer it’s a real shit thing to say,” Timothy said and he’s not fucking wrong. It makes me sick to think that a PT might be bitching about me once our session is over, rather than actually caring about my progress.
It’s the next day and Lucinda is lightening the mood with a spiritual wristy class.
Sara lightly forces Tim to start being more reactive when other men kiss her neck, because up until now it doesn’t appear that he’s given any shits.
Back at the accomodation, Timothy gives Tristan — the son he never had, according to Lucinda — his matching hoodie. Tristan’s reaction is everything and this is my favourite friendship on MAFS maybe ever.
“Tristan’s my boy,” Timothy says to camera. “He’s just got a genuinely good heart.”
Timothy is talking to Jono who can corroborate the “whale” comment made by Jack at the pool.
But before Timothy can put Jack on blast, Tim (no “othy”) would like to first crack his unkissed neck in several places before telling Jack he’s got “a bone to pick” with him.
“I would never kiss my friend’s wife on the neck,” Tim tells Jack and god this whole thing gets weirder every time I hear “neck”.
“When did I tap you on the butt?” Jack asks Sara.
“I don’t remember it. I can only imagine it was absolute accidental,” Jack continues, assuring her he’s not interested in her, or her Ferrari-like features.
Timothy is mouthing off in the corner saying what we’re all thinking, which is that Jack’s full of shit.
Jack stands up to Timothy — which is a dumb decision — and tries to justify the fact that he body-shamed others by saying it was “banter”.
Hi! Jack! If you’re reading this, I just wanted to let you know that saying someone looks like a large animal is not banter! Oh, neither is offering your wife up for sex to your friends!
Jack never denies that he said the whale comment, but does day that he was saying it to Ridge, who apparently wasn’t even there. He also tells Lauren to shut up…
Jayden explains what the issue with the comment is to Jack, a personal trainer who should absolutely know better.
“It’s the comments like that that fuck me up,” says Tristan. I hope Jack watches this back and feels like a piece of shit.
Should I not have said that? Oh sorry! Just banter!!!
Tori’s finally had enough.
It only took a sexist “muzzle” comment, alleged advances towards your bestie, a red-flag warning from your best friend, him offering you up for sex with the other men, no sexual satisfaction and him admitting that he’s not as into you as you are into him. But we got there!!!!
“That [whale] comment is completely malicious” she tells producers. “It goes against everything that he stands for, like his line of work —”
Like clockwork, Jack tries to weasel his way out of another one by saying it’s only people in shit relationships that are targeting him.
But you can see how lifeless Tori is behind those eyes now. She feels like an idiot.
“I can’t support that, Jack. I cannot support that,” she tells him.
Meanwhile, Eden appears to be in a scene of the The Butterfly Effect. She’s got a secret, can she keep it?
What is it? That Sara went out to dinner to see her ex-boyfriend.
Is that it? Honestly, I might be desensitised to drama now but I was expecting more considering how rattled Eden is and how little hope I have for Tim and Sara being endgame.
“I am very passionately against cheating” Jayden says and yeah, that’s one word for it!
Looks like the Gold(en) Coast couple will corner Sara at tomorrow night’s MAFS dinner party! See you then.
Chantelle Schmidt is a freelance writer. Follow her on Instagram.
