Yesterday the concerning rumours were confirmed that human jukebox and GHD poster child Keith Urban is tragically leaving The Voice Australia‘s judging panel. Despite our reservations about the show possessing any value or necessity without Keith’s charming and knowledgeable voice of reason amidst a sea of Delta Goodrem hair and Seal’s general ridiculousness, Channel Nine have made it clear that the show will go on, so a replacement judge is needed.
Who has the right amount of mid-level fame and talent requirements to step into Keith’s shoes? We have a few suggestions.
1. BERNARD FANNING
Powderfinger has retired and Bernard’s been quietly living it up in his Spanish manse. Surely he’s ready to have an Australian sojourn with a return to the spotlight? He’s actually kinda perfect to fill the ‘likeable nice guy’ hole that Keith is leaving. Plus he has the performance credentials covered through years as a songwriter and front man of a hugely successful local band. Mums love him too.
2. SIA
Sia is so outrageously lovable we would be perfectly satisfied watching her ride a unicycle while knitting a beanie, so having her on the judging panel would be an absolute pleasure. Her stint as guest mentor with Christina Aguilera on The Voice US was an exercise in quirky adorability. And imagine the lifelong friendships and numerous hugs she would make with her contestants? I would audition just for the chance… Also, it should be noted that we would probably like to watch anyone ride a unicycle while knitting a beanie. That was a bad example.
3. ANYONE FROM INXS
Industry stalwarts and legends who’ve already been through the ringer with their own unbelievably entertaining and inconceivably stupid Search For A Michael Hutchence Replacement reality series Rock Star: INXS. They know their G sharps from their A flats*, they’d give excellent and reasonable advice to contestants, and bring their nice guy rocker charm into Australian homes. Kirk Pengilly and Gary Gary Beers seem to turn up at random social events on a regular basis anyway, so they’d be game for a bit of extra attention surely?
*That’s a bad music nerd joke.
4. KYLIE MINOGUE
Sure Kylie’s got better things to do like always look fabulous and orchestrate sellout world tours, but wouldn’t it be an amazing injection of superstar if she was on the judging panel? Imagine how ropeable Delta would be playing second fiddle to KM in the glamour and personality department? Sigh.
5. DANIEL JOHNS
Okay. So Channel Nine would never in a million years let this spacey madman loose on live television. But wouldn’t it be marvellous watching him go rogue on prime time television. Plus the guy is a musical genius and a bona fide dreamboat.
Got any better suggestions? We bet you do! Let us know in the comment section.
Photo by Ryan Pierse for Getty Images
