Buckle up, friends. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.
In a special Thursday night Q&A special, six people will be brought together to discuss LGBTQI life and marriage equality in Australia.
They are standout people active within the LGBTQI community, who have ranging and intelligent views on marriage equality: comedian Tom Ballard (hosting), gay rights activist and author Dennis Altman, enptertainer Paul Capsis, broadcaster and journalist Julie McCrossin, transgender woman Julia Doulman, and student and activist Katherine Hudson.
Oh, and Fred Nile will also be in attendance.
WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?
With that, folks, grab the nearest cask wine, because this won’t be easy.
TAKE A SIP:
Every time the camera cuts to an audience member sporting some kind of rainbow paraphernalia. Rule applies to entirety of show. If there’s an overwhelming amount of rainbow and you can’t keep up, then a penance of ten minutes as drinks bitch applies.
If one of the panel members calls Fred Nile “mate” in the special way all Australians know to mean you are not my mate, you are a special form of twatburglar.
Someone looks like they’re about to straight up murder Fred Nile. Rule is valid for panel, audience, your dog, whatever. Tbh this should be worth more drinks, but for the sake of not abusing Pedestrian reader’s livers, we’re leaving this one right here.
TAKE A THREE FINGERED DRINK IF…
If Katherine Hudson is wearing purple. *fingers crossed*
Anyone says “I’m not homophobic, but…” and / or brings up their gay friend.
Fred Nile mentions homosexuality as any of the following: a mental disorder, a lifestyle choice, an abomination, sinful. If he mentions two or more in the same breath, then just straight up finish your drink, son.
Fred Nile asks if someone won’t pleeeaaaaase think of the children, because, like, marriage equality means that some poor kids won’t have a mum or a dad, and kids have human rights too, y’know?
Dennis Altman argues the point that marriage equality isn’t a human rights issue. Take another if Fred Nile agrees with him. Finish your housemate’s drink if Dennis is visibly horrified at said agreement.
If Tom Ballard tries to go all Tony Jones and says “I’ll take that as a comment.”
TAKE A SHOT IF…
Tom Ballard breaks character as the polite host and tells Fred Nile to stick it where the sun don’t shine, or equivalent there of.
For all and any shoes thrown. There are no limits.
For any mention of Julie McCrossin’s marriage as not right, not valid, or not decent.
If the audience at any point represents the Senate gallery when Bill Shorten was delivering his Marriage Equality Bill, i.e. cheers like fucking mad. Another shot if Tom Ballard tries to regain order and they keep on going.
SPECIAL NICK AND SARAH JENSEN ROUND:
Married people drink. Single people drink. Divorced people drink. Everybody drinks!
FINISH YOUR DRINK:
If your tweet flashes up on screen. You’re basically famous now. Everyone is now your drink bitch. Use your power wisely and/or mercilessly.
EVERYONE ELSE FINISHES THEIR DRINK:
If your tweet reminded everyone of one of the many, many vile acts or quotes that can be attributed to Fred Nile.
CALL IN SICK TOMORROW:
And if the overwhelming display of ~gay pride~ overwhelms Fred Nile and he spontaneously combusts / walks out of the studio, pour yourself another drink, dammit. You’ve earned it.
FYI tonight’s episode of Q&A is on ABC at 8:30pm AEST, directly after the screening of ‘Between a Frock and a Hard Place‘, a documentary about the absolute classic ‘The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert‘.
