The 2015 ratings period for Australian TV kicks in from the first week of February, which can only mean one thing – the major networks upping the ante as they make ever more craven attempts to compete for your dwindling attention span.
This means that, in weeks to come, a shitload of your favourite reality shows will be making a return to the airwaves, allowing you to bask in the glory of questionable home renovation, rich people shade and celebrity humiliation.
How will you ever keep track? Fear not, we’re here to help. First up is Channel 9’s big, swinging dick The Block, which returns this Tuesday January 27th, a week before the official ratings period kicks off.
Presenting… BLOCK Royalty! They’re back! #TheBlock Triple Threat starts Tuesday 7.30pm on @Channel9! pic.twitter.com/O2S3woSbmU
— The Block (@TheBlock9) January 21, 2015
This time around, it’s called The Block: Triple Threat, and it aims to be a course correction, bringing in three “buyers experts” to assist the judges after the utterly humiliating auction results that closed off The Block: Glass House.
Fear not, though, bogan from Wantirna interior designer Shaynna Blaze will be back to say “WOOOOOW” at each room she enters, and clash with returning couple Darren and Dee.
Seven, meanwhile, will be launching a brand new series of My Kitchen Rules on Monday February 2, with culinary daddy bear Manu Feildel and 12 new teams of home cooks (some of them in hats? IDK) scrambling for praise and validation.
Ten’s big, bold gambit I’m A Celebrity … Get Me Out Of Here also starts on Sunday February 1 (not Monday February 2 as initially reported), broadcasting five nights a week, live, from South Africa.
The presence of any actual celebrities is yet to be confirmed, but Ten’s program chief has said: “It is in Africa. It is spectacular. It is live. It is big and bright and shiny.”
TBH, depending on how deep the barrel of notable Australians goes, you may or may not get to see Pauline Hanson eating a grub. You’ll have to tune on (or look literally anywhere on the internet the next day) to find out.
“@RHousewives101: Season 2 Premieres February 22nd! #RHOMelbourne pic.twitter.com/TZbBmAmClF”
— Gina Liano (@Gina_Liano) December 8, 2014
Then there’s the biggest one of all: The Real Housewives Of Melbourne, which returns for a second, glorious season on Foxtel’s Arena from Sunday February 22.
This year, Andrea Moss is out (if you can’t handle the heat, stay out of Gina Liano‘s grill), while two new housewives, Gamble Breaux and Pettefleur Berenger, will enter the fray.
Gamble Breaux is a “contemporary art collector” who is “always up for a party”, while Pettifleur Berenger is a “determined, feisty and glamorous woman who thrives on a life of accomplishment and luxury.” We are already shaking and crying with excitement.
The Block Triple Threat (Channel 9): Three nights a week from January 27, then four nights a week from Week 3.
My Kitchen Rules (Channel Seven): Three nights a week from February 2.
I’m A Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here (Network Ten): 5 nights a week from Sunday February 1.
The Real Housewives of Melbourne (Foxtel): Sundays from February 22.
Premiere dates via News Ltd
