They say the greatest achievements in this life are celebrated with a massive dick cake. Well, actually, nobody says that. But they should, because after seeing Gillian Anderson‘s fuck-off cock rocket of a cake, I am obsessed.
Friends, you better adjust your eyes before you see the aforementioned penis cake for yourself, because it’s not just a nice little Woolies mud cake in the shape of a dick. No, it’s basically a statue.
The cake was sent to Anderson from fashion house Chloé, which were the team behind her stunningly simple dress at the 73rd Primetime Emmys.
The big ol’ schlong was a gift to celebrate her winning the Emmy award for Outstanding Supporting Actress from her role as Margaret Thatcher in The Crown, her first Emmy in 24 years.
One can only assume that the dick wasn’t a reference to The Crown, however, and had a thing or two to do with her role as sex therapist Jean Milburn on Netflix’s Sex Education. Although the crown on the tip of the penis sure counts as a nice nod.
“Congrats on a BIG one! Gabi and the Chloé team,” read the cake, Gabi being Gabriela Hearst, the brand’s creative manager.
Now behold, the massive cock cake:
Look at that thing! It’s taking all the strength in my body not to make a joke about consuming it in one go, it really is.
At the Emmys, Gillian Anderson beat out Helena Bonham Carter (The Crown), Emerald Fennell (The Crown), Ann Dowd (The Handmaid’s Tale), Yvonne Strahovski (The Handmaid’s Tale), Samira Wiley (The Handmaid’s Tale), Madeline Brewer (The Handmaid’s Tale), and Aunjanue Ellis (Lovecraft Country) for the Outstanding Supporting Actress award.
Anderson thanked her long-time manager Connie Freiberg on stage when she won, and it was fkn beautiful.
In the speech, Anderson said that Freiberg was always someone who “believed in my talent when I didn’t even think that I had talent. Who always advised me to take the high road. Who was one of the best friends that I’ve ever had in my life.”
Now if you need me, I’m going to be looking up how I can get one of these massive dildos/cakes delivered straight to my door, although come to think of it, I’m not sure it’ll fit in my tiny little house.
No, that wasn’t a metaphor.