If earlier this morning you felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced by a slap to the face, it’s because Foxtel has spawned a local permutation of The Real Housewives franchise, the docu-drama reality series that made household names out of the impulse control issues of a bunch of bored, bronzed, bourgeois, nouveau-riche housewives and their problems with both weave and substance abuse.
Because producers at every Australian network won’t rest until every last one of us chokes on a hair extension, ten one hour episodes have been commissioned to “take viewers on a wild ride into the extravagant lives of five of Australia’s most privileged, powerful and glamorous women.” If that sounds like something your bandage dress will allow you to stomach, and you fancy yourself one of the chosen five “elite women” with a bevy of “often outrageous details” that you’re willing to share concerning your “relationships, career triumphs, pitfalls and family drama,” then you should consider auditioning, but only after taking a long, hard look at yourself in the mirror without applying lip gloss.
If you’re neither real, nor a housewife, the man at whom you should level a full glass of pinot is Foxtel’s Head of Television and aspiring model scout, Brian Walsh, who issued the following statement really slowing, enunciating every syllable to himself: “The Real Housewives franchise has enthralled, bemused and dazzled millions internationally and we are thrilled to be commissioning a local version to air on Arena in 2013. The Real Housewives of Australia will tap into the qualities and idiosyncrasies that are uniquely Australian whilst embracing all the drama, antics and extravagance we have come to love when observing these pampered wives of the über riche.“
Spot on Brian. This is exactly what Australian audiences both want and need and have been crying out for more of, especially considering the proven success rates of The Shire, WAG Nation, Being Lara Bingle, and Brynne: My Bedazzled Life. I for one can’t wait to see the fizz-guzzling, mouth-breathing chimeras (with the head of an OC housewife, a Beverly Hills body, and the tail of a Jersey girl) that this show unearths, who, for all their money, can’t muster an ounce of self-awareness, decency or class. Auditions start in the coming weeks. Money, power and orchestrated romance are waiting for us all – you bring the jellybeans and I’ll bring the diamonds.
via TV Tonight