First ‘Fifty Shades Of Grey’ Full-Frontal Confirms Jamie Dornan Posseses Essential Christian Grey Traits

On what would’ve been the 31st birthday of the film’s sadistic titular character had he not been invented as #fapspo for a certain subset of sexually-repressed middle-aged women, Universal Pictures and Focus Features have released the first official full-frontal still of Count Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey, the male lead in sexy picture show Fifty Shades of Grey.

What, if anything, can you take away from this image? a) That you’re clearly very invested in its contents; b) that Grey is a man never not in the driver’s seat, in the sexual and vehicular sense; c) “His jacket is warm and husky like dark melted chocolate fudge caramel… or something”, and also it’s leather because this is an amateur hour BDSM romp and d) that Dornan possesses those singular qualities which are so important to the character: peen and smize. ¯_(-_-)_/¯
Fifty Shades of Grey also stars Dakota Johnson, will be directed by Sam Taylor-Johnson, and is based on E.L. James’ 2011 Twilight erotic fan fiction series of the same name. It arrives in theatres February 14th, 2015.