Welcome back to our RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under RuCaps, where we go over the madness and shenanigans from the Stan Original series that everyone is obsessed with. Last week was Snatch Game (which people had many thoughts about), and this week is the dancing challenge. High heels on, let’s dive into this week’s ep.

The queens all return after the departure of “that means nothing” Art Simone, and are understandably gagged. I mean, a lot of fans believed Simone would be the HOST of the damn show if Ru opted out, that’s how huge she is in the scene.

For her to go out second means that Karen from Finance, who also had a huge following before the show, now has no competition, and says so outright to the other poor queens sitting around her. I mean, look, it’s true. The two frontrunners here were Art and Karen, and now one of them has gone.

The queens now understand that anyone can go home at any time. There will be no riggery or trickery this year, friends. Just brutality and very questionable lighting. Oh, and helium balloons, apparently?

ruh-roh raggy, someone raided Ru’s relium rash again!

The queens are told that this week’s mini-challenge will be to dress up as Baywatch-esque babes and run on the spot in a sexy, sea-hottie way. The only catch is that this challenge is sponsored by Manscaped, so the gals need to don wigs… down under.

It’s a very puzzling challenge, and I can only assume someone wrote the word “Bondi” on a whiteboard in the ideas room, and then it spiralled, somehow, to having the queens shave their faux pubes on an international stage.

There’s an Aussie reference somewhere in the challenge if you squint hard enough. I just can’t get over the visuals.

Maybe they wanted to emphasise the Down Under? Either way, we love, we love.

we’ve all been there.

The mini-challenge kicks off and the queens discover they’ll be accompanied by Manscaped hotties, and I will gladly take the one on the left, please and thank you.

Manscaped, if you’re reading this, I’m suddenly interested in doing a promotion. I’ll write about a goddamn eyelash shaver if you need me to, just let me work alongside these hunks.

We also learn that the helium balloons most likely came from Etcetera Etcetera, who uses who inflated bad boys to accentuate her badonkadonks for the challenge. They also pull a Chupa-Chups out of their wig, which is beautifully iconic.

“was wonderin’ where I left that.”

The other girls look an absolute mess, which is exactly what we’re after, and it makes for some splendid viewing.

Ru is also having the time of his life, and continuously tells the queens to act like their saving someone in the water. To really convince him that their saving lives, and rescuing the drowning civilians of Australia.

All of this is completely ironic, because this quote from a 2015 Buzzfeed interview exists.

RuPaul Buzzfeed

Anyway moving swiftly along.

Did everyone see Anita Wigl’it? I thought Anita Wigl’it looked lovely.

dear drowning man, thoughts and prayers, xoxo, Ru <3.

Anyway, Scarlet Adams and Elektra Shock are announced as the winners, because the producers love to set up some drama (it’ll make sense later*).

Ru then returns to let the queens know that the maxi-challenge for this week is a dancing challenge to ‘Queens Down Under’, a song specially made for the show. All they need to do is record their own unique verses, and also create their own choreography.

Good thing Scarlet and Elektra are the only dancers… (*this is now later).

The queens are also told that they’ll be joined by girl group sensation and legendary performer… Michelle Visage. I was soooo thinking they’d say Sophie Monk from Bardot, but alas, homophobia prevails again.

we traded ‘poison’ for this?

As the queens prepare their cocky and confident verses, we get a quick shot of Scarlet and Etcetera (in a Vegemite sack) swinging their feet at the same time on a bunk-bed desk and it is quite adorable.

I just wanted a moment to talk about it. Look at these angels.

maxi’s face also kills me in this shot. this is art right here, (but not Simone, because she’s gone for good).

The Drag Race Down Under queens are then brought back to the screen (because this is part fitness camp) for a quick video from Leland and Troye Sivan, musical powerhouse duo.

Friends, I leave you with this quote from Sivan, that still has me violently screeching.

“We’ve written songs about everything from our youth, to flowers, to getting fucked hard in the asshole like a pig-bottom, bareback bottom, raw-dog bottom bitch.”

Thanks for that Troye!

when the bloom is a bit more painful than you thought it would be.

The queens then divide off for vocal training with Michelle Visage (still coulda been Sophie Monk, I’m mad), and we get introduced to the team names.

Maxi Shield, Karen from Finance, Elektra Shock and Kita Mean are Three and a Half Men (I swear there’s a joke here that I’m missing), and Scarlet Adams, Etc Etc, Anita Wigl’it and Coco Jumbo form Outback Fake-Hoes, which is bloody brilliant.

Also, we say hello to icon, ‘Jamie from AV’.

the real winner of this year’s Drag Race Down Under.

Maxi struggles to find a note, Coco Jumbo goes on a scavenger hunt for hers, and it becomes pretty clear early on who can hold a note (none of them) and who can’t (all of them).

Also, the severe lack of financial puns from Karen from Finance disturbed me. I felt perturbed. Your fans are depositing a lot here Karen, we would like to withdraw some more puns from you.

It’s then time for dance rehearsal, where the queens whip out their jazz hands and pirouette their way through some self-made steps.

Charlie’s Angels 3. 

Scarlet and Elektra are pretty damn good teachers, and are leading their respective groups through some sick moves. You can smell the rivalry (and the hairspray) in the air, and it’s glorious.

The producers knew what they were doing when they assigned the two as captains. This is the drama we CRAVE.

Speaking of drama, Etc Etc and Scarlet run into some problems with choreo, as both queens strive for control over the group. The good thing about this is that they both have good ideas, so all is well for Outback Fake-Hoes.

Side note, this team name really makes me want a steak.

i think the fuck you won’t.

Snapback to the werk room and the most bizarre and unexplained thing from this episode takes place: the fkn note.

On Coco’s makeup desk is a note that reads “watch out” in green highlighter. It’s strange, it’s petty, and you better believe I was living for it.

I mean, if it was Art Simone like the queens believe, that is some pretty petty behaviour. If it was someone else trying to stir some major shit, then I thank them, because this mystery note is everything.

My only question is, when will this Drag Race Down Under mystery be solved?

“i have the receipts!”

It’s now time for the main stage, and we discover that the runway theme is ‘Bogan Prom’, which again, makes me question who is in charge in the ideas room.

The first group, Outback Fake-Hoes (mmmm, steak) come back out and absolutely nail the assignment. There are splits at the same time, killer verses, more questionable lighting, everything you could ever want.

Also, this song is catchy as hell. Sure it’s no ‘UK Hun’, but it slaps. They should’ve just had an Aussie alternative for Drag Race Down Under called ‘AU want a ciggie’. That would’ve skyrocketed on Triple J. We could say The Chats sang it and fool millions of Sydney’s Inner Westies.

Anyway, am I gonna show you the killer performance? Hell no. Firstly because you just have to go and see it, and secondly because the lighting was funky and the queens ran around the stage like roaches, so it was hard to get a good shot.

also this dress? stun.

The time comes for the second group, Three and a Half Men (cue forced laughter), and it… doesn’t go well at all.

Kita Mean is the only real standout, while the other three kinda miss the mark with their odd performance.

Elektra is hogging the stage like the star she was born to be, and ends up just doing splits, spins and other craziness just to outshine the others. It was… messy.

Ru’s face at this moment says it all.

“loving energy Ru… loving energy”

Karen from Finance kinda falls flat with her performance, giving some pretty basic lyrics about climbing the corporate ladder and *insert basic workplace pun here*. It really gives you the feeling that it could’ve been wayyyy funnier than it was.

Meanwhile Maxi kinda just smothered her bazoomas across the stage for what felt like a whole minute. Just her and those lifeboats having the time of their lives, giving the Drag Race Down Under stage a much needed clean.

“I call this move the Adelaide albatross.” 

And now it’s runway time binches!

There really isn’t much of note from this week’s showing, because all of them were pretty good for a bogan going to prom.

The most hilarious however was Scarlet Adams with her ciggie necklace and goon bag dress. This is the kinda shit you imagine when someone says to you “Drag Race Down Under.” The best part was that the dress also poured a drink? Which is incredible???

just a moment love, I’m busy.

Nothing much really happened backstage in this ep, except for this lovely close-up of Etc Etc’s talons. Fuck yeah.

A moment of silence for the pink blades upon their hand this evening.

rawr XD.

Scarlet Adams is announced as the winner of this week’s challenge, and the bottom two queens are announced to be Coco Jumbo and Elektra Shock. Coco is in the bottom for not being as killer with her lines as the rest of her team, and Elektra is in the bottom for being too killer.

This is the second time that both queens have landed themselves in the Drag Race Down Under danger zone, but we’ve seen that they can smash out a lipsync like no one else. The pair are asked to lipsync to ‘Shake Your Groove Thing’ by Peaches & Herb, and boy is it a show.

There’s a lot of energy being burnt up on the mini mini-stage, and it’s pretty hard to guess who wins.

my groove things? shook.

With high kicks, flips, spins and coochie slams, Elektra is crowned the winner of this week’s lipsync. Coco is asked to sashay away, meaning a second popular Aussie drag legend has left the competition super early.

It’s a shame to see Coco go so soon, but I’m sure I’ll see her flaunting her stuff in Sydney in no time.