I knew this day would come, but it still hurts: Brooklyn Nine-Nine is coming to an end after its eighth season. It’s official, the creators have confirmed it. Somebody hold me.
In the early hours of Friday morning, the Brooklyn Nine-Nine Instagram account published a statement from series co-creator Dan Goor, who praised the cast and crew of the beloved series and thanked them for, well, everything.
“I feel incredibly lucky to have worked with this amazing cast and crew for eight seasons,” he said.
“They are not only among the most talented people in the business, they are all good human beings who have become a family.
“But most of all, I feel lucky that we have had the best fans in the world. Fans who literally saved us from cancellation. Fans who filled us with joy.
“Ending the show was a difficult decision, but ultimately, we felt it was the best way to honour the characters, the story and our viewers.
“I know some people will be disappointed it’s ending so soon, but honestly, I’m grateful it lasted this long. Title of my sex tape.”
So as I prepare to rewatch the entire series so far on Netflix, I thought I’d look back at some of the best cold opens the show has ever churned out.
These aren’t in any particular order, they’re just some of my favourites. Yes, I’ve most definitely missed some good ones.
1. Kelly: Wife or Dog?
Season 1, episode 14 – The Ebony Falcon.
It’s the age old question: is Kelly Scully’s wife or dog? If you Google this/watched season 7, you know the answer is both. Scully’s ex-wife’s name is Kelly and his dog’s name is also Kelly, but who came first?
I interviewed Terry Crews early last year and asked him this exact question. He answered: “wife”.
“Woof or wife”, oh my god.
2. The Brooklyn Nine-Nine Full Bull Pen
Season 4, episode 8 – Skyfire Cycle.
No context needed, to be honest.
3. Holt’s Red Bowler Hat
Season 5, episode 20 – Show Me Going.
I think we’ve all been in Holt’s position, right? Sometimes you just want to try something new and embrace change. Sometimes change is good, other times change is a red bowler hat that should have stayed on the shelf.
This was such a fun way to start such a stressful episode, though.
4. IT’S HEIST TIME.
Season 5, episode 4 – HalloVeen.
The Brooklyn Nine-Nine Halloween episodes will always hold a special place in my heart (and Jake and Amy’s, obvs).
In this cold open, Jake wakes up at 3AM to begin preparations for the precinct’s annual Halloween Heist only to learn that Amy is already awake AND so is Captain Holt, who just happens to be in their bedroom?????
5. Holt and Marshmallows
Season 4, episode 7 – Mr. Santiago.
Jake challenges the gang to do their very best Holt-eating-a-marshmallow-for-the-first-time impression, because why not? While Rosa and Terry do their best stoic Holt impressions, Charles opts for something different…
6. Hula Hooping
Season 1, episode 21 – Unsolvable.
Let’s just watch this one.
7. LIKE YEAST
Season 4, episode 9 – The Overmining.
Again, just watch it.
I’m sorry, but this will never not be funny. The acting, the timing, the pause, the awkward silence, Charles trying not to laugh, the delivery – it’s just perfection.
This might be my favourite cold open in Brooklyn Nine-Nine history. No, it is my favourite one.
I just want to know how many takes this took.
8. Holt’s *special* high fives
Season 6, episode 13 – The Bimbo.
Frustrated that Jake always rocks up late to work, Captain Holt devises the most devious punishment to torture Jake for his tardiness.
It’s Holt’s constant eye contact with Jake that cracks me up every single time.
9. Amy Santiago is officially late for the first time ever
Season 2, episode 6 – Jake and Sophia.
Two words: HOT DAMN.
10. Never ! Wake ! Charles ! Up !
Season 5, episode 1 – The Big House, Part 1.
There’s just something so pure about Charles, and I just feel like this particular cold open sums him up perfectly.
11. Hitchcock & Scully were very, very hot
Season 6, episode 2 – Hitchcock & Scully.
It was January 2019 and fans of Nine-Nine had just learned that young Hitchcock and Scully were hot. I sort of just imagined their younger versions with more hair, but I guess the writers thought differently.
12. RIP goldfish
Season 3, episode 7 – The Mattress.
It’s only fair I immediately follow young and hot Hitchcock & Scully with Hitchcock drinking his own goldfish.
13. WUNTCH TIME IS OVER
Season 2, episode 11 – Stakeout.
In this cold open, Holt stayed up all night trying to think of zingers to burn his arch nemesis Madeline Wuntch, when she presents him with an award at a ceremony.
Jake tells Holt to take the higher ground and he does, sort of.
14. Charles faints for the ???th time.
Season 7, episode 10 – Admiral Peralta
Amy and Jake officially tell the precinct they’re pregnant, but the team aren’t that surprised. Charles doesn’t even faint, the horror! So Mum and Dad tell Charles that twins are on the way.
He immediately crashes to the ground.
Are Amy and Jake actually expecting twins? Nope.
15. Brooklyn Nine-Nine x Backstreets Boys
Season 5, episode 17 – DWF.
I mean, this is the only way to end the yarn.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine seasons 1 to 7 are streaming now on Netflix.