Earlier this month the federal government left $21.6 million on the nightstand to attract prospective Hollywood blockbuster 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea to Australia, and with it, the feminine wiles and fiscal smarts of its initially desired lead actor, Brad Pitt.
Now today’s Telegraph are reporting that the same week the government whored itself out to Disney, Brangelina “had secretly flown into Sydney that same week to scout suitable accomodation for their family;” a veritable menagerie of biracial lay-by hotties, experiments in eugenics and that chic ragamuffin Shiloh.
Writes The Telegraph, whose sources like Jolie’s left leg appear to stand slightly akimbo of reality, the couple sans their six children “flew in on a private jet under the cover of night” before spending “three days trying out luxury properties at Palm Beach.” Jumping on the [nail] beds [of servants], tallying individual sheet thread-counts, peeing in the sparkling mineral water pools, shooting the endangered native wildebeests; you know, regular stuff you do when you’re trying out luxury properties.
According to a dubious sounding “spy,” Brangie were “all business” and “very pleasant” during their reconnaissance mission in Sydney to scout for real estate which met their reported criteria of “A private jet [which they already have, apparently], a gated property, a fast boat and a small but loyal team of house staff,” probably elves.
Which is funny, not because house elves are hilarious and also fictional like this story, but because Pitt is no longer attached to the production having very publicly passed on the role of Captain Nemo two week’s prior to the government’s inducement offer, and by virtue of Logic, two week’s prior to the three days he supposedly spent looking at houses in Sydney.
Y’see, 20,000 Leagues is still yet to receive a final green light from Disney, and until it casts a lead actor (all the lead actors director David Fincher wants, including Channing Tatum, are not available until next year), looks unlikely to for some time.
It seems strange, perhaps entirely unlikely then, that Brangelina would have left their children to fly the considerable distance under the cover of darkness just to look at houses for three days in a country where foreseeably they have no “all business,” no?
Perhaps they just really wanted to have breakfast at The Boathouse; “very pleasant.”
Perhaps they did pop by to look at houses for no reason other than to remind themselves of the fact they can.
Perhaps none of this is true; perhaps all of this is true; perhaps they sent their wax dummies instead.
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.
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