To escape whatever the hell is going on in #Auspol right now, The Bachelor returned to our tellies for its second week of drama, drama, drama, and hoo boy was there DRAMA thanks to the gone but never forgotten crystal-loving Cayla.
If the Liberal Party cause a spill during #TheBachelorAU they really are fucking dead to me. Have they no respect for social norms?
— Sam Dastyari (@samdastyari) August 22, 2018
If you’re keen for the full Bachie recap, give the below a good click.
Now presenting The Bachelor episode three in five scenes and the People’s Twitter.
Scene One: The *heavenly music* Kiss
Set the scene – the Honey Badger goes on a vanilla date with Brittany, footy golf happens and they talk about their ~ values ~. You yawn and look away waiting for Brooke to appear and when you turn back to the telly, Nick and Brittany are sharing a sweet kiss, a not-demolish-your-throat kiss.
THAT IS THE FIRST KISS THAT AUSTRALIA DESERVES #TheBachelorAU
— Lady Heidi Maree (@heidiheartshugs) August 22, 2018
How much nicer is this kiss than the deepthroating-ear-incident #TheBachelorAU
— Aliza (@AlizanotEliza) August 22, 2018
I’ve always wanted a guy to say, ‘Give us a smell’ before our first kiss. #TheBachelorAu
— Cassie Lane (@casslane) August 22, 2018
Scene Two: Last Lady Standing
The most ambitious crossover (yet) happens and we delve into an episode of #SurvivorAU. Vanessa Sunshine and Cat from Bali smash each other’s clay hearts to the soundtrack of John Wick in one of many random challenges to win Nick’s heart. Sunshine, taking a leaf out of Posh’s book, wins some quality time with Nick and smiles in the form of a grimace. Crickets literally chirp in the background as the Honey Badger tries to make Sunshine show her shiny pearlers.
Spoilers: He can’t – no one can.
Jesus this is more awkward than Turnbull and Peter Dutton getting in a lift together rn 😖 #thebachelorau
— Andrew Torrens (@AndrewTorrens) August 22, 2018
Malcolm Turnbull has a better chance of winning the next election than Vanessa Sunshine does of winning this series. #TheBachelorAU
— Ladbrokes.com.au (@ladbrokescomau) August 22, 2018
Nick: “What are you looking for in a bloke?”
Vanessa: “My back hurts”#thebachelorau pic.twitter.com/4QzWbwwypb— AtomicNicky (@AtomicNicky) August 22, 2018
Scene Three: Breakfast, Brooke & The Badger’s Den
The subheading pretty much says it and the tweets say the rest of it.
In Nick’s words, “jackpot” #TheBachelorAU pic.twitter.com/DBfK8Pm9oC
— The Bachelor Australia 🌹 (@TheBachelorAU) August 22, 2018
DING, DING, DING.
Ring the bell. Close the book. Blow out the candle. Brooke is the classiest dame on #thebachelorau
— kateforster (@kateforster) August 22, 2018
https://twitter.com/alicevictoria19/status/1032214414835892224
A lot of people are tweeting this and can we NOT:
Brooke is the absolute greatest
She’ll get Nikki-ed#TheBachelorAU
— to whom it may concern (@bishcheese) August 22, 2018
I don’t think I can handle seeing someone as decent as Brooke having their heart broken on #thebachelorau
— Tasmania Calling (@yumtors) August 22, 2018
Scene Four: Will You Accept This Diary?
Let’s just go to the tweets for this one.
“Love at first sight could be true” #TheBachelorAU pic.twitter.com/Vrjc1FFNC6
— The Bachelor Australia 🌹 (@TheBachelorAU) August 22, 2018
#TheBachelorAU pic.twitter.com/OcCSrwQ4j4
— Alexandra (@AEvanson_90) August 22, 2018
Strap yourselves in folks, cass is about to make this reaaaaaaal awkward for all of us #TheBachelorAu
— Sketch_Adventures (@sketrcher) August 22, 2018
LEt’s just be grateful that this isn’t a poem. #TheBachelorAU
— Osher Günsberg (@oshergunsberg) August 22, 2018
Cass is a sweetie but…#TheBachelorAU pic.twitter.com/O0LoL9HaLc
— Dame Kittness (@SoftKittyWarm) August 22, 2018
Well Cass just out awkwarded Vanessa#TheBachelorAU
— Nez (@fraggle73) August 22, 2018
I felt my soul leave my body when Cass read from her diary HOW IS SHE STILL INTACT AFTER THAT CRUSHING BLOW OF “THANKS FOR SHARING” TO HER UNDYING DECLARATION OF LOVE 😭😭😭 #TheBachelorAu pic.twitter.com/ZpQpNocqTd
— Michelle Tran (@chello_jello) August 22, 2018
Scene Five: Cayla Leaves But Spills The Tea
After not receiving a rose, Cayla decides to spill the tea about Cat and Romy and the toxic bullshit they spin every episode. Cat’s just here to plug her jewellery label, Romy’s fake, the mansion is in disarray. Throughout this spill, the Honey Badger looks mightily uncomfortable and after Cayla wishes him luck and asks if he wants to know who the “good ones are”, he closes the car door on her mid “Oh my God”.
Nick shutting the limo door on Cayla mid drunk sentence is too good. #TheBachelorAU 😂
— Brittany Hughes (@Britt_Hughes9) August 22, 2018
“They’re blindsiding you.” #TheBachelorAU
Next time on #SurvivorAU.
— Melissa (@melissa__ong) August 22, 2018
Vale, Cayla; made of crystals but her ruthlessness was STONE COLD #TheBachelorAU
— eloise mckenzie (@_jeloise) August 22, 2018
Even though she had the kooky music on the first night, Cayla is dropping some straight knowledge isn’t she? #TheBachelorAu
— Osher Günsberg (@oshergunsberg) August 22, 2018
Actual footage of Cayla leaving the house. #TheBachelorAU pic.twitter.com/RmV63HghiP
— Milhouse Thrilhouse (@Minquist01) August 22, 2018
https://twitter.com/nochuyg/status/1032224544243646464
I judged cayla. For you know crystals and shit. Shes a bit nuts but shes looking out for our bachie #TheBachelorAU
— Jane💕 (@jane_ella97) August 22, 2018
Cayla on her way out the door #TheBachelorAU pic.twitter.com/nxbqQ1njIE
— gillian (@666gillian) August 22, 2018
But the most important thing I learnt from tonight’s episode is… the Bachie mansion is home to a couple of alpacas and their names are Richie, Tim, and Matty J.
The random cutaway shots to the uninterested alpaca are majestic. #TheBachelorAU
— Melissa (@melissa__ong) August 22, 2018
Catch ya, tomorrow.
Special Mention:
Cat is the gas lighter that we’ve all experienced in our lives where you question if you’re loosing your fucking mind #TheBachelorAu
— Justwinginit (@justwingingit19) August 22, 2018
