Okay, so we understand that this is getting pretty ridiculous, but you’re here, which means that you, or at least the person sitting next to you on public transport whose phone you’re looking at, has expressed an interest in the ongoing drama that is The Bachelor

Today sees a new twist in the story that simply refuses to die. 

Depending on your definition of ‘very exciting’, and also your definition of ‘news’, Bachelor bachelor Blake Garvey and fellow carbon-based life form Louise Pillidge have come out and declared that they have some very exciting news for you.

The pressing update in question would appear to be that they are engaged in an amorous relationship, and seemingly are ready to take this relationship ‘to the next level’, as it were, speaking about it to various media outlets.

One such outlet, current affairs publication Woman’s Day, have posted pictures and video of the two sitting on a bench of some kind, smiling fixedly and exchanging touches and gestures associated with human courtship.

“We’ve got some very exciting news that we would love to share with you,” says Pillidge, her voice flat.

“Australia you deserve to know all the facts and the full story and you can find it in Woman’s Day,” adds Garvey, his expression unknowable.

Late yesterday, rival publication New Idea made and then subsequently deleted a post to their Instagram, claiming to offer you, dear reader, “all the exclusive pictures of Blake and Louise in their overseas love nest!” 

Woman’s Day will run their exclusive interview with Garvey and Pillidge on Monday, and in spite of anyone’s better judgement, this inexplicably popular story will continue to be a story until long after. 

The question of whether you will ever get to lay eyes on “all the exclusive pictures of Blake and Louise in their overseas love nest” remains teasingly unanswered.

Image via Woman’s Day