The new judges for Australian Idol have just been announced and we’re already bored. It’s giving The Avengers if all the heroes were celebrities whose idea of a good time was unironically the Logies red carpet.
Naturally, we will be comparing these new judges to a “randomly selected” inanimate object — a loaf of white bread.
Harry Connick Jr.
The singer, actor, pianist-turned TV host’ Twitter is giving “man being held hostage” + “man whose PR team clearly runs his socials”.
so excited to be a judge on @AustralianIdol 😃…can’t wait to find australia’s next big music superstar!#AustralianIdol is coming to @channel7 and @7plus in 2023 pic.twitter.com/CUM2fTHpk5
— Harry Connick Jr (@HarryConnickJR) September 27, 2022
On the other hand, white bread is an effortlessly cool customer who could deffs judge Australian Idol if it wanted to.
It has range, especially in buttered form.
Buttered white bread is the perfect food.
— Renee Paquette (@ReneePaquette) September 24, 2022
Kyle Sandilands
Not much is left to be say about Sydney’s highest-rating radio host (we KNOW, right!?).
How good would it be to do one of those “we forced a bot to listen to 10,000 hours of (insert show here)” with Kyle content?
I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Game of Thrones and then asked it to write an episode of Game of Thrones of its own. Here is the first page. pic.twitter.com/A2SfHJCPGp
— Keaton Patti (@KeatonPatti) November 18, 2019
TBH, I’d much rather read a Game Of Kyles AI script than a Game of Thrones one. Twitter, do your thing.
Regardless, the man who relishes his life-long villain era shares some resemblance to white bread.
Just like how bleach is used to make white bread, (it’s true, look it up), we also want to douse ourselves in it every time we hear Kyle talk.
Also, Kyle was sacked from the original Australian Idol in 2009. Hmm we wonder why?
Meghan Trainor
Meghan lives at a reduced rate (not entirely rent-free) in our minds due to this abhorrent crime against fashion on Drag Race.
She is also married to Daryl Sabara from Spy Kids. A fact that absolutely hit us for six.
Meghan and her husband got papped leaving a sex shop carrying a black bag to conceal their purchases. Mind you, it’s 2022, no shame!
Coincidently, this is how we leave the grocery store when buying white bread. People simply cannot know we aren’t multigrain girlies.
— v (@ViralMaterialz) September 28, 2022
Amy Shark
Last but not least is a triple J icon whose 2021 album name Cry Forever, perfectly encapsulates how we’re feeling about this season’s Australian Idol.
Amy’s also from the Gold Coast, which in our minds is the geographical embodiment of white bread. Iconic, good fun, but lacking in any real substance.
So there you have it, folks.
The new season of Australian Idol begins in 2023 and we will only tune in if it’s enough of a bin-fire to warrant more roasty articles.
In the meantime, we’re off to the Gold Coast for “working holiday”.
the judges we deserve!!!! 😭 #australianidol #australian #idol pic.twitter.com/ogGpW8dzPN
— Charlie Lewin (@charlewincomedy) September 28, 2022
