Good lord, can Aussies eat or can Aussies eat. According to Woolworths, we… eat like small pigs at a trough full of slop.

Woolworths Director of Buying, Steve Donohue, spoke to about what exactly they’re expecting to fly off the shelves over the Chrissie period – and it is a LOT.

“We expect to sell over 1.2 million kilos of Australian prawns the week of Christmas, with 60 per cent of those sold just in the last two days before the big day,” he told the news outlet.

ONE POINT TWO MILLION KILOS. No wonder we have no fish in the ocean except for the shit ones, like those ones with weird glowy things on their heads and scary teeth.

How many turkeys do you reckon we’re shoving down our gobs while swiftly developing the intense meat sweats? I’ll tell ya – it’s 80,000kg worth. Fuck me.

Dessert wise, they’re looking at 6 million mince pies, half a million pavs and 1.7 million mangoes flying out the door.

They also, weirdly, are predicting a 20% increase in demand for their hot roast chickens in the week before Christmas. Maybe ‘cos none of us can be fucked cooking? Since we’re all going to be slaves to our ovens come Xmas Eve?

I can tell you one thing flying out Woolies’ door – potatoes. All for me, for my absolute best ever, world famous potato bake that has NO bacon in it, because bacon and onions in potato bake are the devil’s spawn.