Last week, a woman named Jodi came up with a genius concept on a Kmart Pie Maker Recipes Facebook page. Two ingredient cupcakes, featuring a vodka cruiser pineapple.

The post went off, as people frothed the concept of incorporating their 18-years-old bev of choice with baking. But I was underwhelmed. Everyone knows pineapple vodka cruiser is the weakest bitch of the bunch.

My colleague Courtney had a brilliant suggestion – what if BERRY vodka cruiser? A hero flavour.

Since I have far too much time on my hands and love to make a foray into baking (I’m shit at it, watch this space) I decided to give the vodka cruiser cupcakes a red hot crack.

delicious, hard not to just drink

Here’s my cruiser. Yes, I got weird looks buying just one single cruiser at the bottle-o. Instead of using “moist vanilla cake”, I went with Greens Butter Cake, because I like butter cake more and figured it wouldn’t fuck up the recipe.

again, hard to not just eat on it’s own

The instructions are vague as fuck – basically just make the cake mix, then pour in the cruiser. But this makes no sense to me – that would throw off the entire consistency of the cake. You don’t have to be Matt Preston to work that out.

Instead, I subbed out the milk for Cruiser. It still came up quite runny, but not insanely so.

vodka cruiser
see? fine

The colour was mildly alarming – more of a peachy hue than purple, like the drink. Did I make some weird colour chaos like you did with paint at school? Who knows. Also, who cares!

From there, I added the mixture into cupcake tins. Stupidly, I didn’t grease them first – I told you I’m shit at this stuff.

They were meant to go into the oven for 40 minutes, but after about 30 I could smell burning. I whisked them out.

vodka cruiser
beautiful stuff!

At this point I was feeling pretty cocky, like some sort of baking genius. After they’d cooled, I forced my sister to try one. She was reluctant since the concept of mixing sweet alcohol and cake mix isn’t entirely a vibe, but I bullied her into it because what are older sisters for?

“It tastes like fake blueberry,” was her response, before dumping half the cupcake on her plate and refusing to eat any more.

I tried the rest. This is without icing, mind you. I enjoyed it – there was no alcohol flavour, it was just like packeted blueberry cupcakes. I also found the cake consistency to be nice and spongy, probably from the carbonated drink.

Then I made the grave error of giving icing a shot. For some reason, it turned into slimy goo.

I know, I don’t think we need to discuss what it looks like

It also emphasised the weird nipples that had formed on my vodka cruiser cupcakes. I hate it? Let’s pretend those ones don’t exist and go back to the icing-less cakes.

Verdict – wouldn’t do again, since you can just buy cake mix that already IS blueberry flavoured. But wasn’t horrible, either.