The 2022 Super Bowl is just around the corner. If you’re like me, the actual NFL game itself probably means little to you — my knowledge of the sport is so minuscule that I once asked who Tom Brady was in a Boston bar a week out from the Super Bowl in 2019. I may or may not be banned from the state of Massachusetts for life.
Anywho, Super Bowl parties have become a real ~thing~ here in recent years and let’s face it, it’s all because of the snacks. While the halftime performances and OTT ads are also great, the excuse to indulge in an array of artery-clogging snacks is the real winner of the day.
^^An accurate depiction of me diving into a bowl of dip as they make a touchdown, or whatever.
Considering snacks are such an integral part of the Super Bowl party process, what you reach for on the platter probably speaks volumes about what kind of vibe you’re bringing to the gathering too — so here’s a deeply scientific analysis of what your favourite says about you.
Hot Wings
The undisputed king of all Super Bowl snacks — whether they’re spicy, sticky or crunchy. If this is your favourite, you’re the alpha of the group. You’re a natural-born leader, who’s probably a Leo. Megan Thee Stallion has probably asked you for tips on being confident in the past.
Chips & Guac
You’re a people pleaser at the expense of your own happiness — much like how a bowl of guac slowly turns sad and brown throughout the duration of the day. You’re a Taylor Swift mirrorball girlie — you’ve never been a natural, all you do is try, try, try.
Hot Dogs
You’re silly! You’re the jokester of the gang. You probably still think prank phone calls are the height of comedy, and more people could benefit from seeing the world as childlike as you do.
Carrot Sticks & Hummus
You need to calm down. Have some fun, relax — it’s a Super Bowl party! No one is here to eat healthily, so chill out.
Nachos
You’re a tough cookie to crack. You have layers and have a rich, multifaceted persona. Just when a person thinks they’ve gotten to know you, there’s a whole other world of mystery to unpack.
Onion Rings
If Lorde’s favourite food is also your favourite, then you’re undeniably the coolest of the group. You bite back with snark and sass, and it kills every time. Boring people hate you, and they despise your individuality. Keep doing you, because you’re a trendsetter.
Pizza
You’re wise beyond your years. You’re the shoulder to cry on when it all falls down. You make sense when everything feels wrong. The only constant in a world of change.
So, are you drooling yet? Are your cravings running wild? Are you actually not bothered to make any of these yourself and wanna order in from DoorDash? Go ahead. Touchdown and chow down, as they say.
