As much as I don’t want to believe it, it’s now April and the year is slipping through my hands faster than I’d like to admit it. But that does mean that we’re in the month of Easter 2019, which if you’re like me and not raised in a religious household it means you get a Sunday morning of eating chocolate for breakfast.
And that RULES, my friends.
Now that we’re all grown-ass adults and can buy ourselves something a bit more substantial than the classic Humpty Dumpty (even though they are arguably the best eggs), there’s a whole new world of fancy-pants Easter eggs that you 100% won’t want to get left in the fridge to go all weird and white.
These eggies are also a great way to subtly tell that one relative who insists on buying you that really shitty chocolate that doesn’t even deserve to be left in the fridge for months. Like, the stuff that’s even worse than Roses. You know what I mean, it’s basically carob.
Check ’em out, and maybe buy yourself a lil’ treat this month. Go on. You deserve it. You’ve worked so hard.
KOKO BLACK BROKEN EGG WITH SPICE HOT CROSS BITES
HAIGH’S EASTER RANGE
Or, if you’re really keen on having a big choccy feast:
BAKEDOWN CAKERY’S GROGGY GOOGS
After last year’s Eggspresso Martini Egg, the North Sydney-based cakery is back with a boozy butterscotch version that I immediately need to eat right now.
Or if you’re not into the whole liqueured-up chocolate thing, the Truffle Egg here looks perfectly-decadent to have in bed on a Sunday morning.
MONSIEUR TRUFFE’S VEGAN, ORGANIC, GLUTEN-FREE, FAIR TRADE TREATS
If you’re after something for your vegan/gluten-free/sustainable friend (whether another human or your own tum) the range from Melbourne‘s Monsieur Truffe is a surefire go-to for fancy choccy eggs. The Black Forest egg above looks fkn delish, as does the one rolled in cacao nibs below.
LINDT’S GOURMET EGGS
Lindt has come in swinging with some fancy eggos, tell the Himalayas to rack off with an egg like the one above including Murray River Pink Salt.
Or if you want to go large, Lindt is also slinging a mammoth 1kg Milk Bunny this year. One of these large boys has been eyeing me off every time I go to the shops, taunting me, like I need to buy it and eat it all in one (1) sitting.
IKEA IS MAKING YOU BUILD YOUR EGG AND EAT IT TOO
The Swedish flatpack champions are really gung-ho about the whole DIY lifestyle, so much so that you’ve gotta build your own flatpack easter bunny. Now that’s commitment to the bit.
ALDI’S GONE A BIT FANCY
Ever since ALDI launched its Specially Selected range, that sacred middle aisle has turned into a super fancy choccy feast when Easter rolls around. This Belgian chocolate half egg is full of individual praline truffles and I would like to stuff them all in my mouth immediately.
MESSINA UNLEASHES THE HOLY TRINITY
Sweet Jesus H Christmas, Messina have really knocked it out of the park this year.
The three gelato eggs come as a set and include (from left to right) the Saint Pistachio, chocolate honey gelato with Italian nougat and pistachio fudge yolk, the Lord Lamington, featuring coconut gelato with raspberry gel, coconut and chocolate dacquoise (meringue cake), and chocolate parfait, and the Holy Hot Cross Buns, filled with HCB-infused gelato, chunks of spiced bun, and a super-gooey dulce de leche yolk. Hoooooly shit.
CADBURY’S TRUSTY TASTY EGG
If all of these fancy-pants eggs are a bit too much for you to stomach, there’s always the trusty, tried-and-true Cadbury egg that Mum will routinely buy for you. And if she doesn’t, well just go and buy it for yourself. You’re a big adult now who can buy their own chocolate.
Yeah, I’m going to need to have a lie down/massive workout after this lot.