Lil’ Kim was declared the state’s first victorious candidate prior to the tallying of the results in any of the other seven hundred constituencies that together form the adorably moth-eaten patchwork quilt that blankets North Korea in stifling democratic warmth – an autocratic Dutch oven of love.
The state’s media agency KCNA has, of their own accord, declared the quinquennial election a great success, very good time, beach party: “All the voters of the constituency took part in voting and 100 percent of them voted for Kim Jong-Un. This is an expression of all the service personnel and people’s absolute support and profound trust in supreme leader Kim Jong-un as they single-mindedly remain loyal to him.”
Voting, like having an amazing time, is mandatory in North Korea, where each ballot boasts only one state-sanctioned candidate’s name, next to which there are two boxes labelled ‘Yes’ and ‘N-, I mean, Yes’.
Mount Paekt, the 111th district where Kim reigns most supreme, is traditionally attributed with divine status. Naturally, it’s writ in the state’s official doctrine that Kim Jong-Il was born on its slopes. Or, more accurately, the slopes were born on him. Don’t ask questions.
via The ABC
