Five years on from the same-sex marriage postal vote results being released, a wedding photographer has told us how same-sex marriages have changed the landscape of the wedding industry. Unfortunately, not everything is as joyous as you would hope.
I spoke with queer wedding photographer and owner of Henry Paul Photography Hank Paul about how things are looking five years on from the postal vote.
Paul said the world of queer weddings is still a bit stuck in the heteronormative habits of old. I was silently hoping that queer people with rings on their fingers would be having gloriously gay marriage ceremonies all the time, but apparently, there are still some hiccups abound in the wedding industry.
“It’s been a slow progression toward embracing less heteronormative-style weddings,” he said to PEDESTRIAN.TV.
“Queer people that I work with still feel a sense of obligation to uphold certain heteronormative traditions on their wedding day.”
Paul says it’s still quite difficult for queer people to identify who is and isn’t an ally. For most wedding vendors, it’s just heteronormative business as usual. He said most wedding websites still ask for the name of the bride and groom.
“Even though there’s a lot of talk about ‘love is love’ there’s not a lot of action. There’s a lot of saying you’re an ally but not a lot of actually being an ally” he said.
“It’s still hard for queer people to find inclusive wedding vendors.”
I can understand the hesitation for queer people to do business with a wedding vendor that isn’t outwardly LGBTQIA+ friendly. For most of us, heteronormativity was pushed upon us when growing up, we don’t need that bullshit surrounding our queer weddings.
I can still remember how fucked up the same-sex marriage postal survey of 2017 was for me. Honestly, I think it’s somewhat of a collective trauma shared between all queer people in this country.
I had only just come out and was reckoning with the reality of my seemingly supportive parents actually being deeply homophobic. They told me they would be voting “No”, and so after school one day I walked to the nearest red post box and submitted my “Yes” without them knowing.
Being a young adult homosexual in a world where same-sex marriage was legalised was a privilege not many queer people have been afforded in this country or many others, but it undoubtedly helped me navigate my world knowing it wasn’t shameful to be who I am.
The shame that was encouraged in my household growing up surprisingly wasn’t reflected in the opinions of other Australians. It was a green flag for me to know that beyond my family home was actual acceptance.
It hurts to think the queer wedding space isn’t free from discrimination just yet, but it isn’t surprising at all. I and many others are used to this treatment.
Paul speaks with LGBTQIA+ wedding professionals on his podcast First Look, which is about how marriage equality is slowly transforming the wedding industry.
Episode three features a chat with the co-founder and editor of Dancing With Her Tara Barker, a multi-platform global wedding publication that is unapologetically queer and started right here in Australia.
Barker often conducts surveys through her platform and came upon some damning statistics in a recent global survey of more than 10,000 people.
She said 75 per cent of queer married couples reported that they had experienced discrimination at some level when planning their wedding. Alongside this, 90 per cent said they expected to face discrimination if they were to plan a wedding.
“That’s nine in 10 people that feel like going into wedding planning, discrimination is going to be part of it,” she said on the podcast.
It goes without saying that despite progress being in law, it isn’t really in action. People who don’t identify as queer are either actively discriminating or still having trouble making their allyship known to others.
Paul said only 17 per cent of wedding venues identify as LGBTQIA+ friendly. All I see when I read that is there are 83 per cent of places that don’t want us there.
“There’s a risk that queer people take when reaching out to wedding vendors,” said Paul.
To ensure this statistic doesn’t continue, Paul created workshops and launched self-guided education modules in December 2021 for wedding vendors who wish to improve upon their allyship.
“They have no idea if what they’re doing is helpful or harmful,” he said.
“People from all over are finding this training and signing up.”
So not everything is sunshine and rainbows five years on. Wedding vendors are still having trouble communicating the fact that they’re LGBTQIA+ friendly and queer people are having trouble feeling welcomed into the marriage space.
With more education and time I believe we can lessen the number of queer people who feel unsafe in the wedding space. Sure we can finally tie the knot, but it’s still a challenge to find someone who will actually help us celebrate what is supposed to be a day of queer joy.
