Are you a spiteful bitch? Does the thought of Valentine’s Day make you want to claw your eyeballs out? Do you also really like fish? WELL, you’re in luck because SEALIFE Sydney is giving you the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to feed your ex to a hagfish.
Let me explain.
SEALIFE is giving you the opportunity to name a dead fish after your ex before they feed it to the bottom dwellers known as hagfish. It’ll only cost you a $1 donation to the SEALIFE Trust, and is an opportunity not to be missed.
So why a hagfish, you ask?
“Because hagfish feed on any scrum lying on the ocean floor and they’ll do it in the most repulsive manner – from the inside out. Just the disgusting way your heartless ex deserves to be consumed,” SEALIFE says.
Only ten petty binches will be able to name a dead fish after their ex, so you’ll have to enter the competition here to tell SEALIFE why your ex really fucking sucks.
Maybe he cheated on you with your mum, maybe she ate your pet goldfish, I don’t know, but SEALIFE wants to.
“We don’t have the power to heal a broken heart but perhaps this unique form of therapy will deliver some closure and provide singles with a reason to celebrate this Valentine’s Day,” said Penelope Carbia-Kolevski, SEA LIFE Sydney Aquarium Aquarist.
Valentine’s Day is a wonderful time if you’re happy and in love and going out for dinner and getting roses or whatever the heck happy couples do, but if you’re single, it bloody SUCKS.
Sure, you can catch up for drinks with your fellow single friends and pretend being single is great but let’s be real here, we’re all just a bunch of jealous binches on February 14. And that’s fine, but the only thing better than being jealous is being incredibly petty and feeding your ex to the fish.
The competition closes at 11.59pm AEST on Thursday 11 February 2021, so you’ll have to be quick.
