Lucifer, Beelzebub, Asmodeus, Belphegor— all names of demonic forces with powers beyond human comprehension. Each possesses the ability to tear families apart and sow chaos in their wake, but none as much as the wicked cohort that rules over all of Hell: the creators of UNO.

I was today years old when I was rudely informed that back in 2020, the menacing minxes over at the UNO division of the underworld released a very ungodly new ruling for their game. If you missed the announcement of this rule, I’m sorry to tell you that some of your games of UNO could have had a totally different outcome.

You could have finally beat your best friend who wins every single game they touch. You could have known happiness. All these possibilities!

The new rule stated that if someone plays a Draw 2 on you and you have a Skip card that’s the same colour, you can send the Draw 2 penalty to the person next to you.

It gets worse though. If the person you palmed off the penalty to has a Skip of their own, they can pile it on top of yours and keep the penalty moving around. It could even come back to you if you’re unlucky enough.

“The next player must draw the two cards, unless they have a Skip card (of any colour) they can play, in which case they pass the penalty to the next player and so on until no one has a Skip card and must draw two cards,” some demonic gay intern at UNO wrote on Twitter.

Thank the UNO gods this rule only lasted a single day, but some folks have been playing with it ever since. I guess some people just love having overwhelming amounts of chaos in their lives!!

At the start of the year, UNO released an “All Wild” version of the game that was absolutely batshit. I played it once and lost all contact with my family and loved ones.

The new cards introduced to the game were insanely devious, too. I’m talking Skip 2, a targeted draw card (to make enemies even quicker) and a hand swapping card to help you dump your hand of 27 cards onto that sucker who just called UNO.

Someone tell the overlords at UNO that I would like to REST without constantly having rules shift and change. If I ever see this Skip Bounce rule return I am catapulting flaming rocks into the castle they live in.