Take Inspo From Some Of The Weirdest Shit People Have Done In ‘The Sims’

So you’ve made the perfect The Sims family: a dream family, house, job and – thanks to cheat codes – more Simoleons than anyone could ever reasonably need. But that white picket fence cannot contain the secret desires and hidden depraiveties of its players, and soon, the weird shit starts. 

Take, for starters, one PEDESTRIAN.TV writer admits to using The Sims to re-create The Troubles, Ireland’s tumultuous decades of civil unrest and terrorism. Since EA Games never made The Sims: IRA Expansion, she’d create redhead-only towns where each family had many, many children. She’d then kill the fathers off so the mums had to look after the family alone.

It’s all a little offensive, but in her defence, she was 17 and really enjoying Modern History. Oh, and on top of that, she said that “in every neighbourhood I made (minus North Ireland), I had one rich bougie family and that was the ONLY family allowed to have red hair. It was a sign of aristocracy”. 

What we’ve learnt here is that The Sims is a blank canvas, a Stanford University Prison experiment which coaxes out the deep recesses in the individual playing. Here are some of our favourites shared online and in the office – y’all have some issues.

1) AN UNDERGROUND BUNKER FULL OF ARTISTS

Diabolical. (Image: Imgur.com)

A few years ago, a 4Chan post by an anon poster went low-key viral when they revealed they’d started every sims family with a “painting goblin”, a green skinned man confined to the basement to do nothing but paint. Kept alive with minimal conditions – just a bed, toilet, shower and trash bin – the goblin’s paintings would quickly advance up the art-world ladder to be worth a mint.

“Every few minutes, I go downstairs and sell whatever painting he has finished, and then I return to playing the game,” the anon commenter writes. “My family always ends up feeling blessed because of their fortune, and they never find out about the horrible secret living beneath their home.”

Fucked, right? Well, Reddit user NineJuanon’s slightly terrifying reaction was that it was a “good concept but horribly inefficient”. Spotting a chance to create a large scale sweatshop, they created an incredibly tight system featuring six goblins all called Dick Butt, each with a bunker cell. 

With the money, NineJuanon’s sim began her takeover of the world, buying restaurants, grocery stores, corporations and hospitals. The sim also made her goblins paint portraits of her, which she hangs over her ridiculously expensive bed. What evils will she do next?

But who holds you at bed late at night? Who tells you everything’s okay? (Source: Imgur.com)

2) THE PARTY ROOM

Aka Funny Games: The Game.

This one comes from Reddit user SebbySir, and it speaks for itself. No words:

“I bought a giant mansion but made some modifications to it. By modifications I mean a room called “The Party Room”. The party room had dance floors, plenty of food, music and a nice sports car parked in the middle. What could go wrong

I threw a party and invited everyone I knew into it and called them into the room. Suddenly the doors shut and a nightmarish hell began. All the stereos switched to that annoying kids music, the strobe lighting kicked in and the fireplaces were placed. The doors disappeared magically. The sims weren’t allowed to leave the house. 

I had but three commandments: Anyone who does not dance dies, anyone who tries to put out the fires dies and the last surviving member was allowed to live. 

At least 30 sims had to endure fire, starvation, piss covered floors, strobe lighting, kids music, windows that pointed directly outside to freedom, ghosts and rotten food for about two weeks in game. One by one the sims were picked off through horrific torture. 

At last there was a lone survivor- an old woman. I placed down a door and allowed her to leave. I made her walk down a long corridor with large windows showing the devastation in the party room. I then gave the house to her and made her wear only black. That’s not all, even after this I made her invite anyone that walked past the house into the house and lured them into the party room.”

“I made a Black Widow, a female sim who would marry men and on the wedding day I would lock him up in the basement and basically starve him. Her secret cemetery/basement had like twenty urns. I didn’t even do it for the money (I would donate it all away, she had the ‘good’ trait so it would actually benefit her too). I never had her have sex with any of them either, she died a virgin after adopting a baby girl and then I repeated the entire cycle with her as well.”

“One of my sims had the desire to sleep with ten people. She had a husband who was an artist. He was always in his studio endlessly painting. He had a bed in there, he was completely dedicated. Every time she had a lover over I had him paint the scene in the bedroom. He never caught her as he rarely left his studio but all the time he was obliviously painting her infidelity. Obviously I hung these paintings all over the house.”