Think back to 2004. You’ve just gotten home from school and it’s your turn on the family computer. You open Neopets and your blue Gelert is hungry. You visit the Tyrannian Plateau to cop a feed from the Giant Omelette. You play Turmac Roll and try your hardest to avoid the tree stumps. Life is good.
It’s now 2023. Against your will, you now know what the words “slay” and “situationship” mean. You have chemical burns on your face from bleaching your eyebrows one too many times. So much is wrong with the world and your life — but Neopets is coming back, baby.
That’s right, lads. The one and only virtual pet game is under new management, which means Poggle Races, magic paintbrushes and the Wheel of Monotony are all back on the menu.
The Neopets Team published a lengthy blog post on Tuesday, announcing that a brand spanking new website will be dropping on July 20. It’ll still be accessible via the OG URL, but it’ll basically be a one-stop shop for all the brand’s announcements, products and articles. But most importantly, it’ll contain links to different games.
Speaking of games, remember how one day you just, like, couldn’t play Meerca Chase II anymore because Adobe Flash carked it, and all the games on Neopets were Flash-based? Well, the Neopets Team is trying their hardest to fix that bug.
“We have begun exploring the use of Ruffle to resolve the issues caused by the end of Flash in hopes of speeding up the process of bringing functionality back to our beloved games,” the blog post read.
Considering my sister and I once became so enthralled with a particular game on Neopets — Lucky’s Wild Chocolate Mine, thanks for asking — that we forgot to turn the bath tap off, meaning the tub overflowed and the bathroom flooded, this is bad news for me.
The Neopets Team is also working on a hot new mobile game called World Of Neopets, which sounds like it’ll be a life-simulation deal — from the perspective of a Neopet. Sign me up, honestly.
In the new game — which doesn’t have a release date, FYI — you’ll be able to decorate a home, play mini-games, collect Neopets and mosey through “iconic Neopian lands in 3D”. It is a want, nay, a need to walk through Faerieland as a girlypop Usul. GIVVUS.
In the meantime, we’ll be able to play some très iconique Neopets Flash games ‘cos more than 50 of them will be coming back on July 25.
If you need me, I’ll be mentally preparing to collect doughnutfruits in Hasee Bounce and be reunited with my weirdly sexy Neopets.
