PEDESTRIAN.TV has teamed up with the lords at Nintendo to make sure you have everything you need to survive your launch-day binge. Find out more here.
If you’re anything like me, you’ll be in the midst of preparing your body and mind for the inevitable binge session that comes bundled with your shiny new Nintendo Switch this weekend.
Like previous Nintendo releases, it’s a time of pure merriment combined with the agony of holding in your pee while you complete “just one more dungeon” of whichever Legend of Zelda game has been released alongside it.
To help you ready yourselves for this tremendous event, we’ve compiled a checklist of everything you’ll need to get you through the weekend with your new baby. Tick each item off as you complete it, being sure to imagine the classic jangle of another Mario coin added to your wallet. You’ve earned it.
GET PLENTY OF GAMES
Look, we all know Zelda’s latest instalment, Breath of the Wild, is going to slay. It may even live up to the impossible standards that Ocarina of Time instilled in me, but we’ll see about that.
The thing is, going into a solid console binge with just one game – even if you know it’s going to be amazing – is unwise. Allow me to explain.
You see, there will come a point where you need a break from your game of choice, but you’ll still want to bury yourself in more Nintendo Switch action. It’s only natural.
You.
So instead of burning yourself out on one game, get a few to switch (ha) between to keep the experience fresh and juicy.
My recommendations? Get yourself some Super Bomberman R, or gather a few mates around for some 1-2-Switch or Just Dance 2017 party action.
LOAD UP ON SNACKS
Sustenance is important throughout any gaming session, so be prepared for every meal. Have breakfasts, lunches and dinners planned and snacks ready to roll at any moment.
Pro tip: opt for snacks that keep your fingers clean. No one likes Dorito dust on their controllers.
POWER-UPS ARE KEY
You think Mario is any good without a few mushrooms? Hell no, he can’t even smash the big bricks without ’em.
You need to get yourself some real-life power-ups and mate, mushrooms ain’t gonna cut it. Energy drinks, coffee, your supreme hype-track playlist, whatever it takes to keep you alert and focused during your colossal sesh, get it.
Sleep is for cowards.
HAVE BREAKS, THOUGH
A couple of all-nighters won’t kill you, but for the love of dog, take some breaks, would ya? You’ll be doing your hands and eyes a real bloody favour.
The last thing you want to do is end up with some gnarly hand cramps and bloodshot eyes.
GET MOBILE
Incase ya forgot, you can take the Nintendo Switch off-road, baby! And by off-road, I mean take it away from the TV, which by console standards is 100% off-road.
So instead of spending all day inside like a sick hermit, take it outside and play in the fresh air. The future is here, pals, and that shit is mobile af.
Now if you’ll excuse me, i’m going to 1-2-Switch my mates into absolute submission.
Photo: Fairly Odd Parents.
