“I Like Chips” Reveals Ugg Boot Wearing Reformed Bogan Clive Palmer In Superb Form

Poppin’, fresh politician Clive Palmer has today dismissed a leaked internal Palmer United Party email describing Tasmanian Senator-Elect Jacqui Lambie and her constituents as “bogans” as the attention-seeking ploy of a jaded former candidate seeking to destroy the party from within. Blatantly and aptly flouting The First Law of Holes, the mining magnate’s damage control today has been truly wonderful; very House of Cards, do read on.
Allegedly composed by Queensland state MP Alex Douglas, the email describes its subjects as “bogans” living “empty lives” sustained by “a diet of grease” in a society that could be mistaken for a democracy; one that is “full of [bogans] demanding their right, in an odd way, to be heard [in] a world we see daily and quietly hope will disappear.” The email is thought to be have been leaked to The Mercury by former PUP member Marti Zucco, and continues thusly:
“The interesting observation about Boganland is not just how common it is now but how the sufferers just copy one another so quickly with each trend… It is no longer satisfactory that they will just buy [and wear] Ugg boots, watch Big Brother, choke on a diet of grease, dye their bright purple [sic], tatoo [sic] and rejoice in their ignorance.”
According to The ABC, Mr Douglas maintains that no one should be offended by his remarks as “They’re a combination of emails” – which is better how? – “The point is, that we’re all bogans. I’m a bogan. There’s bogans in all of us. People shouldn’t be offended by it, it’s not a derogatory term. I’m overweight therefore I must be a bogan” – the PUP equivalent of cogito ergo sum.
Palmer told Fairfax reporters this morning that he was yet to read the email but that “it didn’t sound like the Gettysburg Address”, adding that “It’s not something I would say. I’ll be saying [to Douglas] ‘make love, not war’.” 
“We love bogans and we love all Australians. All I can say is, I like chips. I regularly eat at McDonalds but I’m eating more salads now. I wear Ugg boots and I go four-wheel driving. [The PUP] have got an alliance with the Motoring Enthusiasts. He throws kangaroo poo; what’s so insulting about that? It’s a lot of fun.” 
Never change, Clive, you ole dawg. 
Photo: AFP via Getty