Australia’s collective arch nemesis, Clive Palmer, didn’t show up to his Supreme Court hearing on Wednesday as he has contracted the spicy cough.

The news was confirmed by a member of Palmer’s legal team – according to the Brisbane Times. First ScoMo caught COVID and now Palmer, someone is looking down on us favourably.

This comes after Clive Palmer was taken to hospital with “COVID-like” symptoms two weeks ago, but there was no confirmation as to whether he had tested positive or not. Days later it was revealed that Palmer’s condition was worsening and was battling pneumonia.

The human lard ball had previously told an anti-lockdown rally in November 2021 that he was not vaccinated against COVID-19. 

“I’m not vaccinated and I don’t intend to be vaccinated,” he said.

The two cases from Wednesday were heard by the Supreme Court sans Palmer, who was meant to represent himself in one of them.

In 2020, ASIC charged Palmer with with two counts of dishonesty and fraudulently gaining a benefit. ASIC allege that Palmer transferred $12,167,065.60 from a bank account held by his company Mineralogy to be used for the benefit of the Palmer United Party during the 2013 federal election.

“The funds were held by Mineralogy pursuant to existing agreements with other companies. The transfer and ultimate use of the funds was not in accordance with those agreements,” ASIC alleges.

“Media Circus was engaged by the Palmer United Party [now the United Australia Party] to run its marketing and advertising campaign for the 2013 federal election.”

I guess those billboards don’t just pay for themselves, hey?

Palmer claimed that the allegations made by ASIC were “an abuse of process” and “would tend to bring the administration of justice into disrepute.”

He also claimed that the ASIC complaints “were unlawful under section 58 of the Human Rights Act 2019 and did not take into account [his] human rights”.

What about our human right to not see that ghastly head of yours, Clive?

Image: Getty Images / Jono Searle