Aubrey Plaza of Parks & Recreation is uncharacteristically girly and grinny in her Oscar de la Renta strapless gown rendered in taffeta inspired by the Barbie Dream House colour palette. There is a giant bow on the back of this fairly traditional red carpet style, although her Impressionistic peeptoe shoes are extremely pretty.
Painterly:
Margot Robbie has come a long way from her Neighbours in Erinsborough, baby. If I was a 23-year-old with flawless golden skin, I too would wear dresses with low necklines and hip-skimming side slits adorned with semi-precious stones, and always stand in a jaunty I know I’m everything hand-on-hip steez. She wears Gucci.
Zooey Deschanel wears a cropped beaded top with tulle and gold leaf skirt by Oscar de la Renta in a continuation of her lengthy flirtation with evening wear for middle-aged women. Her shoes are covered in a netting of pearl beads giving the appearance of Christmas tree decorations. This look is very Zooey Deschanel, I’m just not sure that’s a very good thing.
Hm.
Fine wine and nominee for breaking the fourth wall in House Of Cards, Kevin Spacey, looks great (we’ll ignore that questionable blue wrist junk).
Mrs Judd Apatow, Leslie Mann, cuts a fine figure in black lace peplum. If this is 40, I’ll take it.
If you haven’t been watching Masters Of Sex you’re missing out. The series is nominated for Best Drama, but it should also get a nod for Most Exciting New Red Carpet Babe in star Caitlin FitzGerald who is effortlessly gorgeous in Fifties-inspired baby blue look straight off the runway (complete with excellent wheels) from the Emilia Wickstead Spring 2014 show.
Would:
Naomi Watts wears what appears to be gold metallic lamé Tom Ford. All her accessories are beautiful, particularly her tall manly man Liev Schrieber.
Game Of Thrones’ diminutive Mother of Dragons, Emilia Clarke, wears a chic pumice stone courtesy of Proenza Schouler.
Peggy Olsen/Elisabeth Moss who is nominated for her terrific performance in Top Of The Lake looks really vampy and amazing in a slightly sheer and shiny experiment from my leather work course in Grade 11 camp AKA a dress designed by J Mendel.
Amber Heard is wearing liquid silk Versace, two feet of hair and making this lady question her sexuality from behind those sunglasses:
Congratulations Lena Dunham, you did it girl. She eschewed her penchant for frumpy silhouettes and drab colours and went for a structural canary yellow Zac Posen frock.
Tonight Amy Poehler is the Host with the Most, and looks it in figure-hugging Stella McCartney.
Tina Fey is all “look, I’m not stylish and I like questionable Carolina Herrera dresses, so here’s a big ol’ fake smile especially for the international press gallery.” I worship her.
Emma Watson gives a shout out to the shirts-over-pants halcyon days when Killing Heidi were king, with this tangerine Dior wrap dress over le smoking trousers. 
Pregnant and flawless Kerry Washington in equally flawless custom-made maternity-wear Balenciaga.
One of the highlights of the red carpet so far: a luminous Lizzy Caplan wearing Armani (I think) with Art Deco knit details and finger curls.
Michael Fassbender with a scruffy ginger beard and an ill-fitting tuxedo (dude, did you roll up those cuffs??) is still Michael Fassbender.
Forever young couple Joanna Newsom and Andy Samberg are wearing matching smiles. I want to be the meat in a them sandwich.
With respect to his lovely wife Elsa Pataky, I wouldn’t mind Chris Hemsworth showing me the hammer of Thor if you catch my drift.
Girls actress Zosia Mamet is more woman than girl in a mature monochrome look by Reem Acra. 
Hayden Panettiere, forever a Kewpie doll, also does black and white with an underwhelming Tom Ford creation.
“Ja ja ja ja ja! Don’t be so seely, Ryahn Seacrest!!” That’s all I’m getting from this pic.
Olivia Wilde, pregnant – and resplendent – in green sequined Gucci.
Queen Blanchett in Armani. This is what a Movie Star looks like.
Jennifer Lawrence wears Dior in what isn’t her finest red carpet moment. The dark lip, confused jewellery and (I’m sorry) that hair isn’t really working. And those dual belts remind me of the doll Mrs Ingalls makes out of calico in Little House On The Prairie. Apologies to the 96% of you who won’t get that reference. This is a rare misstep from the celebrity most likely to convince us we could genuinely be her best friend.
EXACTLY:
Basically. http://t.co/V439d1TFah pic.twitter.com/haJPk3hVRV
— MTV (@MTV) January 13, 2014
Good to have you back babe. Just take deep breaths and keep necking whiskey. You’re doing fine.
Sandy B looks pretty good in her tailored, colour block Prabal Gurung, unfortunately that satin is a wrinkle magnet and she already looks a little crushed.
Best all-black look of the night goes to Emma Roberts, hands down. She looks like an incredibly chic Rorschach ink blot in Lanvin and Neil Lane earrings.
Weird, Kate Beckinsale looks a lot like Kate Beckinsale but as if she isn’t quite Kate Beckinsale after all… Just say no to facelifts, kids.
Guys, Matthew McConaughey is wearing a three-piece green velvet tuxedo. Green as a reference to his infamous nude bongo sessions, and velvet because he’s Matthew McConaughey and can do whatever the heck he likes, y’all.
Drew Barrymore is blossoming – symbolism! – with an aura of positivity and this silk petal covered Monique Lhullier situation. Drew is adorable enough to elevate this from a pastel debacle at a non-traditional wedding.
Of course Zoe Saldana can wear a Prabal Gurung scrap heap and make it look like angels constructed it out of unicorn silk, heaven dust and the laughter of babies.
Mila Kunis wears pewter Gucci Premiere and resting bitch face.
The breakout star of 12 Years A Slave, Lupita Nyong’o, is sublime in this fire engine red Ralph Lauren gown with in-built cape.
Want more Golden Globes coverage? Sure you do.
Watch Tiny Fey and Amy Poehler bring down the house with their brilliant opening monologue.
All the winners from the 2014 Golden Globes.
