Hey guys. We get it – everyone’s reached the end of their tether in terms of the election: sure, making fun of Jaymes Diaz was fun for a while, but pointing out the gaping flaws in politicians’ personalities, characters and their questionable parties gets real old real fast, because there’s only so many headlines by the Daily Telegraph begging for Tony Abbott to whisper sweet nothings in their ears and make sweet gentle love, and only so many condescending hand gestures a person can take before all but declaring insanity. Guys. We get what you’re going through.
But there’s no ignoring that today you have to actually vote, and there’s two important things that need to be said.
1. When scouting out your Electorate’s polling booth of choice, do yourself a massive solid and refer to this essential map, conveniently breaking down the offerings of polling centres in terms of their sweets and snags. If you were about to go to vote somewhere that didn’t offer the local delicacies of a sausage sizzle and a cake stall, and were about to lodge your vote with your constitutional right in one hand, without a bacon and egg sammy in the other? Curse your whole family. This is Australia, you bloody idiot, vote properly.
2. It’s easy to think that your vote, in the grand scheme of things, means total squat. Well here’s something to chew on, you democratic naysayer, you. Suffrage to the enrolled is to what the virginity of Tony Abbott’s daughters is to Tony Abbott: precious. Hm. Creepy dad comparison aside, your vote means something, so don’t be the prick who writes dicktation on their ballot paper, throwing your privilege away. To put in to perspective the fact that everybody’s vote is equal, and that your vote is meaningful—and does, in fact, count—here are some eligible voters put together, presented without commentary. REMEMBER: these people have the exact same amount of agency in this election as each other, god help us all:
