Ah, the tennis. The Austraaaaalian Open. A huge, monstrous sporting event for our Great Southern Land. Full of fantastic athletic talent and extreme displays of agility and speed.
I do not care for it. Do not talk to me about it, I will never care.
Honestly, the tennis can get fucked. It’s boring, it’s long, it’s on past my bedtime (yes I go to bed at 7pm) and there’s too many weird sex noises.
You know what I do care about? FASHION. This is good, considering I am the Style Editor at Pedestrian. It would maybe be concerning if say, I didn’t like clothes.
So, because the only part of tennis that I care about is what the players are wearing on the court, I decided my work here today would be trawling through Getty Images to find you the best outfits on ground at the Australian Open 2018.
Oh, what, you’re too pure a sports lover to care what the players are wearing? Lies. All that fluoro pastel mildly turned you on in a sartorial way, didn’t it.
RAFA NADAL
GUYS. I at least know that Rafael Nadal‘s nickname is ‘Rafa’. Please. Anyway, ~Rafa~ was easily best dressed this year. Sure, he wore the same fucking thing every game. I think maybe that is normal – as I have said, I know shit-all about tennis! You’re not here for actual SPORT KNOWLEDGE, are you? Good lord, go read something by Cam Tyeson on Pedestrian, you fool. Anyway, I love a good hot pink with mid-grey, and Nike/Rafa have delivered here. This is well thought out, it’s chic, it’s powerful. 10 points.
ELISE MERTENS
This is Elise Mertens of Belgium. I know that because the photo caption told me. I’m always a fan of a matching sports set, and this is about as matchy-matchy as you can get. I now want mint green sneakers, please and thanks.
NOVAK DJOKOVIC
What you’ll soon see is that the courts were a sea of fluoro pastel, so for Djokovich to come out in navy and white? A true CURVE BALL, friends. I’m extremely into it – so crisp. His shoes are edging on dad sneakers here but hey, they’re cool now anyway. He’s like a fresh drink of cucumber water.
GRIGOR DIMITROV & KYLE EDMUND
Guys. GUYS. These two competed against each other wearing pretty much the same thing. HOW EMBARRASSING.
CAROLINE GARCIA
What a peachy DREAM. While everyone mainly went fluoro, Caroline’s over here like “fuck you I’m a minimalist”. Into the soft muted peach shade, into the sneakers (I foresee myself buying a lot of sneakers this week even though I do literally no sport) and into the commitment to matching.
GAEL MONFILS
Ok I know Gael looks like he’s a sweaty mess, but actually he seemed to like pouring water on himself. There were many pics of him dumping water on his head. MANY. Maybe this was the day the courts were like 65 degrees or whatever? Irrelevant. Let’s talk outfit. I am into this deep teal situation, even though it does kind of blend into the blue courts. I read that Nike was using a hot pink shade as a way to get their players to stand out, so this is a ballsy (BALLSY. GET IT) move from Gael and Asics here. I enjoy the white accents, too – and the fluoro yellow on the sneaks.
RINKY HIJIKATA
Rinky is a junior Aussie tennis player, and just… INTENSE SLOW CLAP for repping the v v ‘Straya zinc stripe across your nose, Rinky. Good fucking WORK. Overall I’m vibing this look aside from the shoes, which do not MATCH – have we not gotten the overall memo that all parts of an outfit must either match or complement, otherwise I will shit on it? I think we have.
ALEXANDER ZVEREV JR.
I have an extreme crush on Alexander. Maybe it’s those extremely veiny power legs. Maybe it’s the floppy 80’s hair with the sweatband. IDK, but this outfit isn’t even that good and I’m still including him, because I’M THE CAPTAIN HERE OK, and I do what I want.
Look at him. PHWOAR.
I could say that the muted grey-blue goes nicely with that fluoro yellow piping. But also I just mainly want to say Alexander, call me.
CARLA SUAREZ NAVARRO
THE OUTFIT IS BACK. It’s the same thing Elise Martens wore! If two players show up in the same threads, is that a fashion faux pas? Are they like “oh god, Elise went out in MY OUTFIT everything is RUINED” much like in Sister Act 2, when the other choir does ‘Joyful, Joyful’ and St Francis is like fuuuuck?
MARIN CILIC
Imagine Marin and Carla playing doubles in these outfits? They’d win best on ground – pair dressing for SURE. I’m into this return to tennis whites, with a splash of fancy teal (this is teal, surely) for good measure. I like the pulled-up socks, I like the fancy little sweat wrist band. Good work, Marin.
NAOMI OSAKA
Eaaaasily the best dressed woman on ground. This is what I’m bloody talking about when it comes to complementary shades – it’s like ooooh party but not TOO party, I’m calm. Mad props for those delightful shorts.
FABIO FOGNINI
This outfit is a MOOD, amirite? It’s scary and aggressive and frankly, if I was versing (versing? idk) Fabio I’d just walk up to the net, quietly lay down my raquet (racket? good lord), and just let him take the win bc I’d be terrified he’d smack the ball directly into my nose with army-level force.
ASHLEIGH BARTY
As with Fabio, red is scary and fierce so sports people should always wear it. I love intimidation tactics. There’s a smack of rudeness about it, and tbh sport needs more spice these days. Says I, the non-sport-watcher.
MARIA SHARAPOVA
Someone in the office just told me Maria got dooone for testing positive for a banned “substance” last year. I’m learning so much here, guys. Anyway – I actually have these shoes! I’m basically a tennis player. Look out, tennis courts down the road.
I’m enjoying the sheer sleeves of her Nike top (or maybe dress, I can’t tell, all her pics had her moving a LOT. Chill out for a sec Maria, we want an outfit shot). The hat is purple which doesn’t reeeeally match but it’s playing in the same pastel space so I’ll give it a pass.
ROGER FEDERER
My desk buddy Chantelle told me that the Oz Open commentators went on about Federer’s outfit for aaaages last night, so clearly everyone thinks this is the best outfit on ground. While they are wrong and I am right, I do like the choice to give him spicy boy shoes while keeping the rest of his look pretty minimal. The shoes were also personalised.
Gimme them personalised spicy boy shoes.
BALL KIDS
Actually, I’M SORRY – none of the players win my style awards because the bloody ball kids had legionnaires caps on. Why did I even bother writing this article, this kid clearly wins. Also a friend of mine just noted how they’re literally dressed as Vegemite containers (close enough, anyway) which is just some peak levels of marketing.
Side note look at this fucking revolting thing I found on Getty.
They made a small child pick up a cockroach. A small CHILD had to put his/her hands on the worst insect in existence. What absolute monster ordered this?
That’s it, the Australian Open is cancelled.
