Afterpay Australian Fashion Week has commenced and just like every other year at Carriageworks, I have no idea what exactly I’m looking at.
So with that being said, please brace yourself for my unsolicited street style commentary based on nothing other than my own shit fashion sense. Here goes — do not come for me and my family.
I have a lot of respect for people who dress head to toe in the same colour. I don’t know why but I do. Also: I have a sudden desire for fairy floss. Or one of those dank, texturally-fucked lollipops from the canteen. I’m not sure which.
Oh great, another person I can respect. Grateful to stylist Jamie Azzopardi for keeping me awake throughout Afterpay Australian Fashion Week. Also: I’m so deprived of carbs right now that I will eat that skirt.
This looks comfortable and like it definitely wouldn’t irritate this person’s skin. The choking of the ankles is an interesting touch courtesy of the Senso shoes. Is this a trend I missed? Oh! Because it is my sole mission in life to make PR companies happy, the shirt is from LOEWE.
Gemma Watts is a queen who can do no wrong, IMO. She’s in a tailored St Agni combo that should be boring but somehow isn’t. She looks important, which I imagine is half the battle at Fashion Week.
A lot to unpack here. There’s also a lot of colour, ruching and rings for every finger, it seems.
Yay. Someone sitting! There’s only so many times you can casually walk for a camera, I guess.
I can’t wait to be hot enough to either a) live in Bondi or b) show more of my body than an ankle. Likely not as issue for whoever this is.
Note to self: do not fuck with Fleur Egan because her jewellery will impale you.
Yeah look, here for this outfit. She looks bloody fantastic without trying too hard. I think they call it “effortless” or something? Wouldn’t know. I’d totally replicate it if skivvies didn’t test my gag reflex.
Model Jess King is giving pom-pom on a disco ball in a Samantha Lentini get-up. She’s also wearing vintage Jimmy Choos, which you can see in the third post of the Instagram dump if you squint real hard. Fashion Week is weird.
Didn’t Tahnee Cook get fake-married to Ollie Skelton at Carriageworks? What a beautiful trip down memory lane. Side note: were the hi-vis vests in the background intentional? Just grateful to see her out of pre-approved dinner party attire tbh.
It’s so Inner West it hurts. Also, remind me to flog the next “Slippery when wet” sign I see and turn it into an accessory.
Putting aside the fact that one of her toes has been eaten by the dog-bed lining in her shoe, this actually seems like a warm alternative for open-toe heels. They’re Billini by the way, so you can probably find them on The Iconic. I’m not going to look on your behalf.
Proof that not all vests should be burnt.
MAFS 2023’s Janelle Han is giving futuristic baddie. Look at those shoes — I’d absolutely wear them if I wasn’t already a borderline giant.
It’s giving Kim Kardashian hosting Saturday Night Live. Tell me I’m wrong.
I can’t focus on anything other than the power stances. Am I about to be interrogated? Investigated?
Fuck! I forgot to get mum flowers for Mother’s Day. Do you guys remember those crafty flowers you could buy from Spotlight? At least we could recreate the look at home, I guess.
I’m sorry but all this proves is that if you’re hot enough, you can get away with anything. Are they boxers?
Imagine not only dressing well, but finding a partner who also dresses well. A reality for National Fashion College founder Bryce McIntosh and Joel Bedford.
I hope there’s a $1.50 Kmart plate in that tote.
Chantelle Schmidt is a freelance writer. You can follow her on Instagram or TikTok.