An asinine question asked of flawless nineteen-year-old Australian Open semi-finalist Eugenie Bouchard and an inane tweet scripted by serial snapback asshat Justin Bieber has ignited the dormant fire in Canada’s damp, faintly-poutine-smelling loins, sparking the country’s greatest blossoming romance since the fruitful union and tasteful nuptials of Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger.
Having triumphed over former number one Ana Ivanovic to secure a place in today’s semi-final – and in doing so becoming the first Canadian to crack a semi in thirty years – Bouchard fielded a softball question from Channel 7 commentator and former player Sam Smith selected from Seven’s totally fetch social media platform Fango, ugh, reading:
“You’re getting a lot of fans here [The Genie Army]. A lot of them are male, and they want to know: If you could date anyone in the world of sport, of movies – I’m sorry, they asked me to say this – who would you date?”
“Justin Bieber” Bouchard replied through fits of endearing giggles, eliciting countless international headlines, this week’s second wave of sexism accusations levelled at the broadcaster and uninhibited jeering from a crowd who could not believe such a talented, beautiful teen poised perfectly on the brink of history and championship success alike would want to date a noted scrub like Justin Bieber.
“Justin, if you’re watching, hey”, tee-heed Bouchard, waving to the camera, very cute. Today it turns out that Justin Bieber was watching, putting aside for a moment all his love for Justin Bieber, street art and scarlet women to tweet at Eugenie:
How aboot that, eh? Fun facts: Eugenie, her fraternal twin Beatrice, sister Charlotte and brother William were all named for members of the Royal Family she doesn’t have her driver’s license.
Genie plays the Open’s 4th seed, China’s Li Na, this afternoon after 1:30pm on Rod Laver Arena.
UPDATE: Girl lost to the three-time Open finalist 6-2, 6-4.
Photo: Michael Dodge via Getty