Judgment day is looming for those two powerful leaders from Canberra, and we’re not talking about Julia and Tony.
It’s State of Origin time and since everyone pretty much already knows Queensland is going to win the series (because that’s what Queensland does, for the newcomers), it really is up to the two coaches, the Blues’ Laurie Daley and Maroons counterpart Mal Meninga, to keep us all interested with some appropriately immature social media banter.
Origin’s a pretty bloody big deal to people from Queenlsand and New South Wales, but if the rest of the world is ever going to give a shit, then the protagonists need to start tweeting, posting and proving how much they hate each other. Over the last few years ex-Blues’ boss Ricky Stuart kept finding ways to get under Meninga’s skin and it was awesome, but frankly this preparation has all been a bit too Mr Nice Coach.
Yes they’re former Raiders teammates, but Origin is traditionally about bashing your mates (physically and verbally), not sharing awkward humour about aliens and girlfriends at press conferences as these two did yesterday.
COACHES OR COMEDIANS?
At the very least we know Meninga has heard of YouTube, with Big Mal referencing the famous medley that pokes fun at the Maroons’ penchant for poaching players from all over the universe when they’re not supposed to. “Mars…that’s in Queensland. There’s some really good athletes up there apparently, so beware, we might throw a few on the bench,” he quipped. Badum-dum-cringe! Things got a little weirder when Daley answered a ringing mobile phone and told the gathered media it was a “phantom” caller.
His old buddy Mal’s response? “Is there someone in a costume here somewhere? Is there Diana here somewhere? That’s his girlfriend. Did anyone get that?” Nope. Ahhh the pre-Origin jokes really were flowing. Not so much the laughs. They should be doing whatever it takes to gain some sort of petty psychological advantage. Like that time Mal launched his infamous “rats and filth” tirade and nobody had the faintest idea what he was on about. But it was controversial and we loved it. And maybe Victorians and Martians would love it too if it was always like that.
BRING BACK THE GIF
And what better way for mentors of modern footballers to make each other look silly than to call on Gen Y faves such as hilarious gifs and YouTube videos to do their trash talking for them? Go on Mal, you must be dying to tweet this classic gif of Daley crouching awkwardly and hiding his embarrassment behind his nose after Phil Gould nicks his designated plastic chair. It gets funnier every time.
We’ll even suggest a tweet for you, Mal: “Way 2 lead from da middle, Loz #epiccoachingfails”. Or maybe consider a little Facebook status taunt along the lines of: “Professional coaching is often considered a game of musical chairs…looks like Laurie’s the odd man out already.” With any luck this kind of public throwing down of the gauntlet would get Daley on board with the barbs too. Long gone are the days of pinning controversial newspaper columns to the dressing room wall for motivation – now you’ve got to take up the fight on social media and show the world that you’re a real keyboard warrior, not just a ripped athlete or high-paid manager. It’s what the people want. It’s not like there’s a lack of ammunition floating around either.
Daley might be one of the least inspirational ex-players to ever lace off a boot and provide analysis from the commentary box, but Meninga is no public speaking guru and his no-public-speaking-guruness is all over the web. A quick YouTube search and Daley would have his pick of the most humiliating lowlights in Meninga’s political career. All 28 seconds of it. It really was a shame Mal didn’t last at least a minute before spitting the dummy at nothing in particular and barging out of his first interview, because his inability to bullshit could have proved quite a hit with the public.
There are countless clumps of mud these two old friends can fling to spice up the contest.
Let the mind games begin, gentlemen.
Mal Meninga shows his commitment to Queensland by quitting ACT politics in under 30 seconds.
Words by Kalon Huett, sports mad writer and blogger of all things ball-related here.
Photo by Matt King for Getty Images Sport
