Usain Bolt’s Illustrious A-League Career Is Over After Two Pre-Season Games

The long and storied Australian footballing career of Usain Bolt is over.

Bolt and the Central Coast Mariners jointly announced this afternoon that his “indefinite training period” with the club has come to an end, after a suitable corporate client who would’ve paid greatest sprinter the world has ever a truly absurd amount of money to play professional football in Gosford could not be found.

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A statement issued by the Mariners this afternoon confirmed Bolt would be leaving the club, effective immediately.

The Central Coast Mariners and Usain Bolt’s representative Ricky Simms can today advise that the indefinite training period of Usain Bolt with the Mariners has drawn to an end, effective immediately.

As previously stated, the Club and Ricky Simms have been in conversations with external partners to find a commercial solution that suits all parties.

Despite several promising potential partners, both Bolt & the Central Coast Mariners have amicably concluded that they will not be able to settle on a suitable deal in a timely manner.

Bolt issued a short statement via the club thanking the team for the support shown during the wild code-hopping experiment.

I would like to thank the Central Coast Mariners owners, management, staff, players and fans for making me feel so welcome during my time there. I wish the club success for the season ahead.

Bolt’s luminous career with the Mariners began with his debut on the 31st of August in a friendly against a Central Coast Select side, in which he came on as a substitute.

However he quickly rose up through the squad to the role of starter, in a different friendly against club side Macarthur South West United on October 12th, a game in which he scored two goals.

Having satisfied his career goals of “???” Bolt did not see the need for a third game with the team.

Not with a bang. Or even a whimper, really.

Is it a happy ending, or a sad ending?