The Knicks Got 100% Fucked At The NBA Draft Lottery & Fans Are Keen To Die

It’s kind of remarkable how frequently the New York Knicks manage to both fuck themselves and be horrendously fucked over by the league. It’s a blithering ballet of bullshit; a twirling, churning, maelstrom of hell. And despite everyone in the known galaxy being utterly convinced today would finally herald the end of that miserable cycle, the NBA somehow found a way to rear up and fuck them over even harder than before.

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Today’s NBA Draft Lottery, if you believed literally every media storyline in the lead up, was supposed to be step one in the glorious resurgence of the Knicks franchise. They were gonna scoop the number one overall draft pick in the lottery, use that to select generational talent Zion Williamson, leverage his arrival in New York to both lure Kevin Durant in via Free Agency and package together a trade for Anthony Davis from the New Orleans Pelicans, and finally get some bankable star power in Madison Square Garden for the first time since Patrick Ewing.

Number one was their birthright. It was written in the stars. The city’s press even enlisted the blessings of various Gods to get it over the line.

And then it happened.

In a chaotic draft lottery, New York got shunted down to three overall, and New Orleans – on odds of just 6% – won the Zion lottery by scoring first pick overall. The literal worst case scenario for the Knicks, given their interest in Pelicans star Anthony Davis as well.

The Pelicans, understandably, are bloody fired up about the whole thing, with front office staff going bananas at the announcement.

For the Knicks and their long-suffering fans, however, it was something else entirely.

Sorry Knicks fans. At least you’ve still got *checks notesJohn Jenkins? Jesus wept.