Melbourne Cup is the ‘race that stops the nation,’ but why does that nation have to be in Melbourne? If you happen to reside outside of the greater-Melbourne area or just, like, CBF going to Flemington, it’s still your right – nay, obligation – as an Australian to be able to enjoy the day and have a punt.
WHAT TO WEAR
Tradition dictates the usual suit and tie get up for guys and a pretty frock/some kind of situation on the head for girls, which can be either bespoke…
Or homemade…
Considering you most likely won’t be sipping champagne at The Birdcage, though, you don’t necessarily have to go down this route. The great thing about Melbourne Cup, and life in general, is that you are your own autonomous being and can dress however you want. That said, if you’re a stickler for tradition, or would enjoy an excuse to buy a pretty dress that’s more than ‘it’s Tuesday’, or are going somewhere with a dress code, here are a couple of the winners and losers from last year’s Cup for inspiration:
WHERE TO GO
Firstly, if you want some trackside action in Sydney, your best bet is to go to Randwick Racecourse. Obvi. They’ve got eight local races if you’re keen to lay down some cash on horses you can see IRL and they’ll be broadcasting all the action straight out of Flemington.
If you’re all for the race but don’t want to get all up close and personal with the ponies, you do have other options.
Fine Dining
Embrace the opportunity to take your new body-con midriff patterned dress/impeccably tailored suit to a chic restaurant and treat it the way it deserves to be treated – the more silver cutlery on the table, the better. The winnings from your ‘sure thing’ will pick up the bill.
Far From Fine Dining
Go the complete opposite and find the scungiest pub in your local area. Bonus points if they’re attached to a TAB. Cheap pints and easy access to betting, may be exactly up your alley. Plus, you’ll get to hang out with the locals.
Due to the fact Melbourne Cup is still technically a work day for those not in Victoria – and if your boss is a bit on the mean side just cannot afford to shut up shop – there’s a chance you’re going to have to spend the afternoon somewhere in close proximity to your desk. But don’t let this get you down. Get everyone to put in $5 and start up an office sweepstakes. First, second and third split the prize pool and if you’re feeling sorry for last place, give that guy the hat you drew the horses out of. Further boost that fostering of company spirit by asking everyone to bring a plate of food to share for lunch.
Your Couch
If the effort of leaving the house is just too much for you to bear, just chill on your couch. Grab a coldie, some Cheezels, flick on whichever channel happens to be broadcasting the race and get your bookie on the line.
This couch.
WHAT IS BETTING?
If the Cup is your one and only punt on the horses each year, you’re going to hear some words like Trifecta, Quinella and Exacta. Before you go all (O.o)7 – wrap your head around the below.
Win: You pick the winning horse. Easy.
Place: Pick a horse and if it places (e.g. 1st, 2nd or 3rd), you get some cash.
Each Way: A combo of Win and Place. If your horse wins, you collect both dividends or if it comes in 2nd or 3rd, you get the coin from Place only.
Quinella: Select the two runners you think will place first and second, order does not matter for you to get some cashola.
Exacta: A Quinella, but order does matter.
Duet: You need to correctly select two of the top three place-getters. These can be in any order.
Trifecta: There are a range of different trifectas to chose from but basically you just pick 1st, 2nd and 3rd position. Chosing ‘Box’ means your top three fillies can finish in any order, thus heightening your chance of winning.
First 4: You choose the first four horses, in correct finishing order.
Or you could just go up to the TAB with a wad of cash.
HAVE SOME DECORUM.
We know it’s hard to not get caught up in the race and most of us do enjoy a tipple.
If you do suddenly get 10 glasses down and you don’t know WTF happened to your shoes/dignity, it may be time to Check Yo Self. Chase that drink with some water. Eat some food, stay out of the sun, pace yourself, whatever you’ve got to do. You really don’t want to end up the star of a viral video on PEDESTRIAN.TV.
TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE FACT EVERYONE ELSE IS DISTRACTED.
If you’re totally opposed to the whole horse racing thing, take advantage of the fact that 99% of the rest of the nation will be stopped at 3PM AEDST for around about four minutes (add extra time if their horse happens to have won). Take a moment to have some ‘you’ time. Go for a swim, get some shit done (that doesn’t require anyone else’s services because they’ll be part of that 99%), meditate or y’know, rob a bank*.
*Note: CCTV cameras don’t stop for a horse race.
Title image supplied.
