Hans Moleman Productions Presents: Footballer Getting Hit By Man

Getting hit square in the goolies, the nads, the nards, the box and dice, the Jatz Crackers, the meat and veg, the crown jewels, the family crest, the pork and beans, the knackers, the todger, the fleshy flagella, the rum tum tuggers, the three-sided dice, the plums, the grapefruits, the aggots, the snag, the flute, the pendulums, the ole’ Christmas ham, the teabag, the kangaroo’s pouch, the full English breakfast, the air fresheners, the business, the upper groin/lower abdomen, the gobstoppers, the jolly ranchers, the all-day suckers, the John Walls, the Niagara Falls, the orchestra stalls, the cheap seats, the VIP section, the how-do-you-dos, the hooley dooleys, the low hanging fruit, the odds, the ends, the balls? Mates, it’s not fun. It’s not fun at all.

So fellas in the room, purse your lips, clench your sphincter, and prepare to give a very sympathetic chortle to Dylan Roberton of the St Kilda Football Club who fell afoul of a bit of testicular trauma so great that it landed him in hospital.

The AFL gun, along with the rest of his Saints cohorts, are currently engaging in pre-season training. But because you can’t just be flogging the poor lads in the hot sun all summer, a group took some time to have a little hit of indoor cricket.

Unfortunately for Roberton, a severe misjudgment of a rising slower ball from teammate Shane Savage cannoned into the groin. Even worse, the whole thing was caught on camera.


No two ways about it, that is a direct hit on middle stump. Right on the penis and testicles.

Even though it was but a mere tennis ball, the strike was enough to put Roberton in hospital for a little patch-and-fix work. Fortunately, everything appears to be intact, with Saints GM of Football Performance Jamie Cox quipping “To cop such a blow in a harmless game of cricket is very unlucky, but thankfully, he’s okay and will be back on his feet in the next few days.

That’s a lucky boy, right there.

Remember kids, always keep your eyes on the ball. In every sense of the phrase.