If I were an AFL player who just won their second premiership and second Norm Smith Medal, I’d probably disappear into the ether and not re-surface until around two days before pre-season training starts again. I’d pop the cork on a champagne bottle in the rooms immediately after the game, and then the next time you’d see me would be rolling back up to club HQ several weeks later wearing one shoe, ill-fitting clothes that clearly were not my own purchases, and carrying a pet duck called Gareth that I’d picked up from you really do not want to know where. So if the worst thing that Dustin Martin‘s managed to get himself into post-Grand Final so far is “left his car at the MCG and pissed off overseas without picking it up,” then honestly? Old mate’s keeping it in 3rd.

While Dusty certainly didn’t leave anything on the field in the Tigers’ barnstorming Premiership win over the GWS Giants around a week-and-a-half ago, he did happen to leave his car beneath the stadium surface. And some 11 days later, he’s still yet to pick it up.

The story goes that Martin’s car remains in the MCG carpark beneath the stadium surface, in the exact same spot he parked it upon arriving to the ground prior to the game. Fortunately enough it is in the official MCC car park and not somewhere on the grass at Yarra Park, although a thousand Tigers fans crowding around a flash motor making a makeshift shrine to their stiff-armed god somewhere on the Punt Road lawns would’ve been a hell of a thing to behold.

It’s not that he can’t be bothered gathering it or anything, it’s just that apparently the post-Grand Final celebrations have been that loose that he simply hasn’t been able to go get it. Which gets even funnier when you consider the fact old mate isn’t even in the country right now; he, along with former Collingwood gun/close mate/fellow loose unit Dane Swan, jetted off to Las Vegas at some point over the past week and it would appear he is yet to turn back up on Australian soil.

According to reports, MCG staff are keeping an eye on Martin’s car while he slowly transforms himself into Mr. Worldwide, because imagine being the absolute dick that actually calls up and has the Norm Smith Medallist’s whip towed.

Bloody hell, how about all that. Best on ground, best off ground. Gotta love it.

Image: Getty Images / Quinn Rooney