AFLX To Use Paper Scissors Rock Instead Of A Coin Toss Because Who Fkn Cares

The absolute over-sold mess that is the AFLX has added yet another entirely puzzling string to its feathery headdress of over-stimulation: They will forgo a much more normal coin toss in favour of a game of paper scissors rock.

[jwplayer M7R1tI9l]

The four “teams,” cobbled-together squads that have shockingly not been named for corporate sponsors (that we know of *shifty eyes*), will engage in paper scissors rock prior to each game to determine who kicks what way.

It’s at this point we stress that the tournament is being held at Marvel Stadium, likely under a closed roof, making the choice of kicking direction entirely arbitrary. But nonetheless.

The new method of choosing ends is being done to promote “banter” among the teams, with the league openly encouraging team captains to roast the ever loving dogshit out of each other prior to, and following, the paper scissors rock. ‘Course it’s also a family-friendly event, so the barbs will likely be limited to “your feet smell” or “your mother drinks Powerade,” which owing to the advertising contract with Gatorade will probably result in an immediate 20-points.

In addition to the paper scissors rock, other features the AFL is cramming in in the hopes people become hopelessly distracted from the insanely half-baked version of footy actually being played include an in-stadium rock climbing wall, custom theme songs for each team, kids zones and ballpits dotted around the boundary.

As for the game itself, there’s the much-talked about Gatorade Game Changer, a nominated player who will be able to earn double points for a team during a designated period of game time.

But honestly, paper scissors rock. That about sums it all up really.

Now to sit back and guffaw when the first two captains can’t figure out if they throw on three, or after three.

Is it “one, two, shoot?” or “one, two, three, shoot?”

It’s the little things like this the AFL simply has not considered.