Me-OWCH: The Geelong Cats Just Destroyed The Sydney Swans To Win The AFL Grand Final

The Geelong Cats have emphatically won the AFL Grand Final after a blistering performance against the Sydney Swans. The final result was Geelong’s 20.13 (133) to Sydney’s 8.4 (52). Fucken yikes.

In front of over 100,000 people at Australia’s home of sport, arguably the most intense moments of the match were the pre-show performances, the first bounce, and the half-time performances.

One performance of note was G Flip‘s, who smashed out a rendition of Jet’s ‘Are You Gonna Be My Girl’ to more applause than Sydney garnered the entire match. That felt cruel to write but it was probably true.

The Swans managed to spark a few moments of hope early on before the Cats turned the heat up.

The loss of star player Sam Reid to injury mid-game was one of the many nails in the coffin for John Longmire‘s men.

Longmire was criticised in the lead-up to the game for his decision to put Read in the starting side after he was subbed off against Collingwood last week.

As for the Geelong team, it had one of the oldest average ages of any Grand Final-winning teams in living memory.

Many of their playing group including Joel Selwood (34 years old), Tom Hawkins (also 34) and Patrick Dangerfield (32) are nearing the end of their playing careers making the win all the more impressive.

It’s probably good the granny was during the day, otherwise it would’ve been past their bedtimes.

This year’s grand final has continued a shitty trend in AFL over the past few years. A great finals series, capped off by a lacklustre grand final.

Especially when many in the crowd have forked out hundreds of dollars for the privilege of attending, they’re a long way from getting bang for their buck.

Pubs around Melbourne and especially in Geelong will be pumping tonight with some fans celebrating and others drowning their sorrows.

For sing-a-long purposes, see below the lyrics to the new (unofficial) Australian National Anthem.

We are Geelong, the greatest team of all

We are Geelong; we’re always on the ball

We play the game as it should be played

At home or far away

Our banners fly high, from dawn to dark

Down at Kardinia Park