You’ve been *seeing* each other / bumping uglies for weeks or even months, but haven’t had the talk.
You know, the conversation that defines where your relationship is at and where it’s heading. The one that stipulates if you’ll continue presenting your genitalia to other hot contenders, and whether or not you’ll be slapping some official labels on this thing.
Regardless, if you haven’t had the talk (as far as modern-day daters are concerned) nothing’s set in stone. You’re not legit. But because you’ve been exchanging feelings / bodily fluids, there’s still an expectation to be upfront if you’re just not feeling it. In other words, you’re going to have to break up with this person even though, really, you never actually dated.
BALLS.
It’s awkward, but here’s how I – seasoned dater and slight commitment-phobe – would suggest you go about it in the nicest way possible (Hint: it’s kinda like a legit breakup but with a better bounce-back rate):
DON’T LET IT GO ON ANY LONGER THAN IT NEEDS TO
The reason a lot of us get ourselves in this predicament is because we’ve been flogging (for lack of a better word) a dead horse.
You should probably know within the first three *meetings* whether or not this human is worth committing to, and if it’s a no, then GTFO. I don’t even care if the hotness and steaminess of the sex is like explosive diarrhoea after week-old leftovers. If you ignore the obvious indicators that this coupling has no substance, you’ll be that person who led someone on, and no one likes that guy. Don’t be that guy.
Besides, if you get out early enough, you can probably get away with the cancelling of plans as a subliminal message or a cutthroat text to wrap things up. It’s not nice, but we, as humans who, er, collect and select, aren’t exactly nice either. Make a judgement call as to whether or not you need to confront that head-on. For example, if you’ve been seeing each other for other a month, ghosting just ain’t gonna cut it, which leads me to my next point.
CONFRONTATION IS YA BEST BET
Common decency, you guys: look it up.
If you’re able to get naked with them, then we reckon you can string some words together that resemble “not keen”.
It’s going to be more uncomfortable than a pap smear (once every two years, you guys), but just like that, you’ll feel so much better / have a whole lotta peace of mind once it’s over.
Reddit user RUItalianMan says: “10 times out of 10 I’d rather be rejected than mislead or ignored. If you’re not interested, that’s fine, but please just let me know so I can get on with my day/week/month lol.”
Don’t houdini like a coward because, if history’s told me anything, you will have to bump into the person and deal with it eventually.
CHOOSE YOUR REJECTION WORDS WISELY
Rejection is rough. You can be brutally honest and say what everyone knows you’re thinking (“I just don’t like you enough to officially date you ey”) or you can sugarcoat it with a bunch of these completely transparent one liners:
“I just don’t feel right leading you on.”
“I’ve just gotten out of another relationship.”
“It’s not a good time for me.”
“I just don’t like who I turn into when I’m in a relationship.”
“I’m not ready for that type of commitment.”
Probably precede all of the above with “I really like you / I think you’re amazing BUT” to lessen the burn. It’s overdone and expected – and at times really fucking annoying – but I think it helps to stroke their ego before tearing it to actual shreds. If you do forgo the cruel-to-be-kind route, be prepared for them to rear their rejected heads in future. Relying on a time or situation-based excuse gives them every reason to feel like there might be a possibility for the two of you down the line.
Debbie Rivers, dating guru of Dare2Date, told PEDESTRIAN.TV:
“My opinion is to give people honest feedback on why you want to break up as it makes it easier to move on. It gives closure – sometimes it is just as simple as you just didn’t feel it and it isn’t personal. In other cases people have done things to put the other party off – this information is also useful to grow and get the relationship you want.”
Your choice, heartbreakers.
Who knows, your special friend might be wanting out too.
If all else fails just do the dirty and tag them in the comments section of this article. We’re all just as shit as each other.
Happy dating.
