PEDESTRIAN.TV has teamed up with Paramount Pictures to help y'all figure out this crazy little thing called modern life.

There’s nothing quite like working in an office. It’s a poorly ventilated bubble of hierarchies, kitchen tensions, and introverts who spend 20 minutes scrolling Instagram in the dunnies. If David Attenborough were to narrate the inner happenings of corporate lyf, I can 100% guarantee he’d be onto a cash cow. I mean, someone already did it with meerkats and they don’t even have a Nosy Ned monitoring (and judging) clock off times. 

We spend the better part of our lives at work. Sure, we make new best friends who lovingly encourage us in our quest to Marie Kondo everyone’s desks (DO YOU EVEN FEEL JOY?) but we also spend a helluvalotta time decoding passive-aggressive emails, transcribing salacious meeting convos, and figuring out if the hot new employee is giving you the eye or just trying to find the right meeting room.

Which brings us to this ep of Decoding the Modern World. Today our beguilingly lovely host Stacey June is joined by PEDESTRIAN.TV locals Jules and Courtney to dissect office protocols (is canned fish ever okay?) and personalities (who really is the cleaning fairy?), all while asking the question ‘Would work life be better if we could hear each other’s thoughts?’

Personally, I am a firm believer that no fucking way could mind-reading ever be a positive thing. Ever. I am also a vacuously vain (albeit sensitive) Leo and whispers of your disapproval will probably break me. BUT hearing men’s thoughts did kinda work out well for leading lady Taraji P. Henson in her new film What Men Want. 

Henson plays Ali Davis, just a normal gal who is unwittingly blessed with the ability to hear the private thoughts of the entire male population. Terrifying, I know. But she works her newfound skill to its best advantage at the office, which just happens to be the extremely blokey and downright dude central basketball industry. She’s a queen and Shaq pays a visit, FYI.

In Ali’s honour, Stacey, Jules and Courtney play a podcast game this week called ‘What Matt Wants’ (geddit?). This game involves dragging producer Matt, along with his linen shirt and sensible shoes, into the booth and attempting to guess his stance on office related conundrums.

No matter where you stand on office particulars (but seriously, I’ve got my headphones on fuck off), What Men Want is in cinemas on February 14 – so grab the colleagues you don’t want to punch, do Friday night dranks, and have a laff.

Grab tix here or get yourself down to one of the special night-before screenings on Galentine’s Day, February 13.

Image: Paramount Pictures and Paramount Players