Chatime Australia unveiled a range of nightmarish, funny little mascots this month. And I absolutely cannot stop thinking about them. Legit guys, I’m coughing up pearls.
The nasty goblin men are part of Chatime AU’s “Satisfy Your Strange” campaign. It’s all about being the type of quirky, pick-me customer who creates their own batshit drink instead of ordering something from the menu.
The characters are meant to encourage you to embrace your weirdness. The problem is the creatures Chatime came up with are so unbelievably ugly. They include a half-horse-half-baby, a green bug-dog-thing and a caterpillar pinned to a Big Mouth Billy Bass-like wall.
There’s more that are uncomfortably sinister.
Chatime doesn’t have any personal information about these floating insomnia demons on its website. But it’s alluded to a rather twisted canon over on TikTok. Let’s unpack it.
The official Chatime Australia TikTok account posted a cursed video on Sunday. It showed the blue caterpillar man lactating all the ingredients that make up a premium milk-flavored bubble tea from the four bright yellow udders on its belly.
That’s right, folks. Chatime Australia revealed that its bubble tea beverages come from the sagging udders of an old caterpillar man. It is canon.
The nasty little creature milks itself dry in another video before sipping its own milk from a straw. The vid has over 350,000 views but only 369 likes.
People are naturally appalled in the comments on that one.
“Chatime, babes… what is this. Girl, is everything okay? Is home alright bestie?” asked one user.
Another user tagged their mate and said in all caps: “it’s that thing we saw the other night no”. My sentiments exactly.
“I keep getting extremely weird Chatime ads implying the boba are spat out of the udders of a worm creature in a cowboy hat and I really don’t like it,” said another user on Twitter.
WHAT RHE FUCK CHATIME ??????? pic.twitter.com/JfXVFYO2Tt— gracie 🍐 (@gracieieiee) March 10, 2022
I keep getting extremely weird chatime ads implying the boba are spat out of the udders of a worm creature in a cowboy hat and I really don’t like it! https://t.co/JtlX5ovqQ4— Emet-Selch’s Bunny Boy (@EmetSelchSimp) March 10, 2022
Vaguely threatening bubble tea ad at my local mall.🧋 pic.twitter.com/Wi2mI4lYav— Madeleine Rosca (@MadeleineRosca) March 6, 2022
Oh my god he has a son pic.twitter.com/9SnGb0rWaV— Big Squish (@dabigsquish) March 10, 2022
the new chatime mascots have stolen my heart 🥺 pic.twitter.com/GiVms45j54— andie (@525ltm) March 6, 2022
The bubble tea company’s yellow, big-headed gremlin-looking man-baby mascot enthusiastically slurped a drink from a straw in another video. Pearls then exploded out of its eardrums.
That puts forth a few questions. Do these creature’s earholes also act as buttholes? Do they ever get poop mixed with earwax? Is that even fkn hygenic? And most importantly, did Chatime actually think about whether this makes us want to drink their bubble tea?
I don’t think of bubble tea when someone mentions “Chatime” because of this ad. But I don’t actually think that’s the desired effect here.