Chatime Australia unveiled a range of nightmarish, funny little mascots this month. And I absolutely cannot stop thinking about them. Legit guys, I’m coughing up pearls.

The nasty goblin men are part of Chatime AU’s “Satisfy Your Strange” campaign. It’s all about being the type of quirky, pick-me customer who creates their own batshit drink instead of ordering something from the menu.

The characters are meant to encourage you to embrace your weirdness. The problem is the creatures Chatime came up with are so unbelievably ugly. They include a half-horse-half-baby, a green bug-dog-thing and a caterpillar pinned to a Big Mouth Billy Bass-like wall.

There’s more that are uncomfortably sinister.

Chatime doesn’t have any personal information about these floating insomnia demons on its website. But it’s alluded to a rather twisted canon over on TikTok. Let’s unpack it.

The official Chatime Australia TikTok account posted a cursed video on Sunday. It showed the blue caterpillar man lactating all the ingredients that make up a premium milk-flavored bubble tea from the four bright yellow udders on its belly.

That’s right, folks. Chatime Australia revealed that its bubble tea beverages come from the sagging udders of an old caterpillar man. It is canon.

@chatimeau

UDDERLY TEA-LICIOUS! 🧋Have you seen a Strange on a street near you?! Scan the QR code and you’ll be in for a teat… we meant treat. #satisfyyourstrange #chatimeau #fyp

♬ original sound – Chatime Australia

The nasty little creature milks itself dry in another video before sipping its own milk from a straw. The vid has over 350,000 views but only 369 likes.

@chatimeau

#satisfyyourstrange for a chance to WIN a lifetime’s supply of Chatime! Join the TikTok #challenge now to enter. #fyp

♬ original sound – Chatime Australia – Chatime Australia

@dennis_tang

#greenscreenvideo kinda Love and hate Chatime’s marketing #cha

♬ Papas Freezeria Theme – Hi

People are naturally appalled in the comments on that one.

“Chatime, babes… what is this. Girl, is everything okay? Is home alright bestie?” asked one user.

Another user tagged their mate and said in all caps: “it’s that thing we saw the other night no”. My sentiments exactly.

“I keep getting extremely weird Chatime ads implying the boba are spat out of the udders of a worm creature in a cowboy hat and I really don’t like it,” said another user on Twitter.

The bubble tea company’s yellow, big-headed gremlin-looking man-baby mascot enthusiastically slurped a drink from a straw in another video. Pearls then exploded out of its eardrums.

@chatimeau

Have you ever had so much boba it’s started coming out of your ears? This Strange has, go and find it on a street near you! #satisfyyourstrange #chatimeau

♬ original sound – Chatime Australia

That puts forth a few questions. Do these creature’s earholes also act as buttholes? Do they ever get poop mixed with earwax? Is that even fkn hygenic? And most importantly, did Chatime actually think about whether this makes us want to drink their bubble tea?

I don’t think of bubble tea when someone mentions “Chatime” because of this ad. But I don’t actually think that’s the desired effect here.

Image: Chatime Australia