A woman in the U.K. has claimed she’ll “never go back to men” after discovering sex with ghosts, and honestly, same.

Amethyst Realm described to TV show This Morning how she first discovered that a) ghosts were real and b) she could have sex with them.

“It started as an energy, then became physical,” she said. “There was pressure on my thighs and breath on my neck. I just always felt safe. I had sex with the ghost. You can feel it. It’s difficult to explain. There was a weight and a weightlessness, a physical breath and stroking, and the energy as well.”

It was 12 years ago, and she’d just moved into a new house with her fiancé when she started feeling the presence of ghosts. He had to travel for work a lot, and one time when he was gone, she decided to take things to the next level, put on some hot lingerie, and pop over to the spare bedroom.

“I waited a while [for the ghost],” she said. “I thought maybe I’d scared it off by being too keen.”

But she had not scared him off, and he came and did the phantasm horizontal tango with her.

And if you want to know what ghost sex is like, here’s how Amethyst described it: “You can still feel it… it’s difficult to explain. Kind of a weight, but at the same time, weightless, and like a physical – there’s breath, and stroking. And energy as well, I think the energy has a lot to do with it. You feel a connection.”

It ends in orgasm for her, and, she hopes, for the ghost. At least the clean up wouldn’t be so bad, I guess….?

One day her fiancé came home from work early and caught her cheating with the incorporeal being. The relationship promptly ended (although who knows if it was the cheating or the ghosts), and since then,Amethyst’s had relationships with some twenty ghosts.

She’s even looking into the possibility of becoming impregnated by one.

“I’ve done a bit of research into phantom pregnancies, there’s case studies,” she said. “There is a possibility that I could get pregnant, but people don’t know how to carry it to term.”

She does know one thing though: she will never, ever go back to fleshy dick.

“I’m waiting for [a ghost] I can settle down with and spend the rest of my life with, but I’ll never go back to men.”

There’s a couple possibilities here:

  1. Amethyst has a brain tumour, a lá Izzie Stevens in Grey’s Anatomy.
  2. She’s taking the piss.
  3. She’s absolutely correct in ghosts existing, and will soon give birth to a demon child with ‘666’ carved into his skull.
  4. This is all a very elaborate plot to hide the fact that she was cheating on her fiancé and it’s all spun a bit out of a control but she’s sorry and she never meant to hurt you, Kevin.

It’s absolutely killing me that we may never know, but there you go.

Image: Ghost