VERDICT IS IN: No Conviction For Amber Heard Over Boo & Pistol Smuggling

In case you live under a rock and don’t consume any media whatsoever, Johnny Depp and Amber Heard got in deep hot puddles of shit, when they purposely and with malicious intent smuggled their evil Yorkshire Terriers, Pistol & Boo, into Australia on their private jet. 

While our politicians did their absolute worst to ruin the Depp’s lives – e.g. threatening to kill their dogs – Australia rallied around the superstars with the use of ~internet memes~.

 

After bloody months of this bloody idiotic threat-filled mayhem and flim-flammery, Johnny and Amber went to court today over Boo & Pistol-gate. Amber pled guilty to falsifying documents, but the charges against the pair regarding biosecurity were dropped. 

And the Southport Court decided…

*drumroll*

She’s been discharged without conviction. 

The presiding judge dropped the charges against Heard, who said she was “distracted” when filling out the forms. She was told that this was no excuse, and made a video apology that was heard by the court, in which she acknowledged that she had committed a “serious crime.”

She’s been sentenced to one month good behaviour bond on $1000. 

This island country has a lot of bloody good qualities, but shaming people for lying to customs and then threatening to murder some adorable pooches is not one of ’em. Because you know what – we’d wager a pretty big percentage of us have also fucked up a customs form, too. 

There’s currently no word whatsoever from Deputy PM Barnaby Joyce, who heavily participated in creating this fkn fiasco. 

Now, let’s re-watch the best-laid argument about this whole ordeal by the illustrious John Oliver, and laugh until we can no longer feel our national shame: 

Source: Twitter. 

Photo: Matt Roberts / Getty.