Vanessa Trump Files For Divorce From Her Sentient Wet Noodle Husband


Vanessa Trump has filed for divorce from Donald Trump Jr.

Page Six – which first reported the news that the couple were headed to the courts – reports today that Vanessa filed for divorce late Thursday in the Manhattan Supreme Court.

She filed for an uncontested proceeding, meaning she’s not expecting a legal battle over custody of their five children or their assets.

Yesterday, it was reported via sources that strains were put on their marriage by Donald Trump Sr schlepping into the Oval Office. Don Jr’s hectic travel schedule, increased security, and very bad tweets are said to be the cause.

“[Don] appears to have changed recently, and friends are concerned about him,” said a source yesterday, citing his unhinged Twitter habits (such as liking tweets that linked antidepressants to mass murder) as being a cause for concern.

Look. If you’ll allow me the opportunity to editorialise a little bit here – we can’t know for sure what’s going on in Vanessa Trump’s mind. We can’t say she isn’t complicit in marrying a sentient wet noodle. But the girl is high-tailing it outta that marriage and I hope you’ll join me in hollering RUN, VANESSA, RUN.

Don Jr has yet to tweet about it.