Donald Trump Jr Is Reportedly Getting The Best Divorce You’ve Ever Seen

It’s truly the tragedy of the Trump era: Donald Trump Jr and his wife Vanessa are reportedly headed for a divorce, and his increasingly unhinged tweeting may have something to do with it.

Page 6 reports that while divorce proceedings haven’t yet been initiated, multiple sources say they’re heading that way. (A spokesperson declined several requests for comment.)

Don Jr’s hectic travel schedule – big game hunting, Middle East problem solving, and laughing at pool people – is partially to blame, as is the round-the-clock security his dad’s current job requires.

There was also a scary incident where Vanessa was taken to hospital as a precaution after opening a threatening letter containing a white substance.

“It was terrifying for Vanessa, who is naturally worried for the safety of her children,” a source said.

But one of the key issues here seems to be Don Jr’s increasingly unhinged tweeting. “[Don] appears to have changed recently, and friends are concerned about him,” said the source, elaborating that it was instances such as when he liked a tweet linking antidepressants to mass murder, and another one that attacked a teen survivor of the Stoneman Douglas High School shooting, that is a cause for concern.

Me? I think divorcing someone for their bad tweets is very funny. However, a different source says that Don Jr’s tweeting has ALWAYS been this level of bad, and the divorce is due to other stresses entirely.

“Don has always had a bold and aggressive nature on social, there’s no change to his stance on Twitter,” they said. “His behaviour hasn’t changed, there’s nothing irrational about him, he’s always been bold, will say what he thinks and fight back, that’s his personality on Twitter.”

Adding fuel to the fire is the fact that despite the report being published several hours ago, Don Jr has yet to tweet about it. Best guess: Vanessa is shoving Michael Kors separates into a suitcase while the Trump family lawyers craft a statement. Don Jr is nearby, sweating.

But while we’re all here, lets revisit the story of how these two lovebirds met, as encapsulated by the International Herald Tribune in 2006:

“I’m at this fashion show,” Vanessa Trump said, recalling their meeting in 2003. “Donald Trump comes up to me with his son: ‘Hi, I’m Donald Trump. I wanted to introduce you to my son Donald Trump Jr.’”

The three engaged in a brief, awkward conversation.

At intermission, the elder Trump again noticed a gorgeous girl nearby.

“Donald comes back up to me again, ‘I don’t think you’ve met my son Donald Trump Jr,’” Vanessa Trump recalled. She remembers responding, “Yeah, we just met, five minutes ago.”

Six weeks later, at a birthday party at a New York restaurant, they were introduced a third time, this time by a mutual friend. Neither remembered the other. “We talked for an hour,” she recalled.

Then suddenly, something clicked: Wait, you were at that fashion show. Wait, you’re “the one with the retarded dad!” Vanessa blurted out.

Wow. Just beautiful.

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