Tony Abbott Signed The Anti-Safe Schools Petition, And Now It’s Missing

The Australian Federal Parliament, right now, is an absolute mess. A legit clusterfuck. They’ve gone well and truly boonta.

If the continuing nightmarish shitstorm that is the bunfight in the senate over whose marriage equality bill gets voted on and how/when/why isn’t enough to furrow the ole’ brow, the almighty tantrum being thrown by certain members of parliament over the inquest into Safe Schools should be.
This epic, all-consuming, utterly pathetic hissy fit is being chucked by LNP MP George Christensen and Liberal senator Cory Bernardi – a pair of nasty men whose continued employment by the taxpayers of Australia truly boggles the mind – over the results of the report into the Safe Schools program which failed to fit the narrative they were trying to push.
Not content to simply look at an independently conducted report that more or less concluded with the line “everything you are claiming is wrong,” Christensen and Bernardi have continued their crusade to get the program de-funded, not at all unlike a pair of petulant children holding their breath because Mum said they couldn’t have that expensive toy at the shop.
The pair have apparently been circulating a petition amongst Coalition backbenchers calling for the program to be scrapped, and this morning word is emerging that amongst those who have mystifyingly signed this document is former PM/current spiteful bitch Tony Abbott.

‘Course it should also be noted that it was under the Abbott regime that a highly-controversial and strictly non-secular school chaplaincy program was funded, putting priests and religious advisors into schools in favour of actual social workers and councillors. And also there’s that little, tiny, probably inconsequential piece of information that it was Abbott’s Government who actually launched Safe Schools in the first place.

The petition, obviously, isn’t a document of public record at this stage, so it’s hard to state what Abbott’s motivations are for signing it. Speculative reasoning would suggest one of two angles. 
Option one is that he truly supports the motion to rid schools of the highly effective and extremely vital LGBTQI support system for disaffected and bullied youth struggling with their own sexual identity because of some inner made-up fear that teaching children to love and accept themselves and each other is somehow a secret Marxist agenda against the state.
Option two is that he’s simply hell-bent on supporting anything that makes Malcolm Turnbull look like an utter pile of dogshit. Which is, and we don’t use this phrase lightly, huge if true.
For what it’s worth, Christensen openly supports the anti-Safe Schools advocacy website Kids Rights which, among other things, claims that Safe Schools secretly promotes “penis tucking,” “chest binding for girls to inhibit breast growth,” “boys wearing girls school dresses,” and contains secret links that exposes children to “fetish clubs,” as well as an open petition that strongly opposes “the promotion of a wide variety of risky sexual activities as normal behaviour,” and “students being taught how to cover their internet browsing history so their parents may not know what they are accessing online.
Hell, the website itself reads like flat-out bullying.
Here’s the information.
Here’s the petition.
At the very least if this cockamamie push from the parliament’s equivalent of “don’t look at me, he’s your fucking mate” somehow gets over the line, we know it’ll live on in Victoria.
A calm, casual reminder that your tax dollars fund the salaries of these “public representatives.”
And lo! In the immortal words of Tim Shaw from Demtel: BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE.

Literal seconds prior to this little article going live, we learned that the petition, circulated amongst Coalition MPs, has apparently gone missing.
No, we are not kidding.

We swear, you could not make this shit up even if you tried.
Source: Twitter, ABC News.
Photo: Paul Jeffers/Getty.