Valentine’s Day, if you consult forever alone conspiracy theorists who hate Meg Ryan movies, is a commerce driven invention of Hallmark. But that doesn’t mean you can’t express your appreciation for the one you love allowing you to have sex with them on a semi-regular basis without resorting to cliches. 

Instead, why not say I love you with a crude dick joke accompanied by a Drawing Dicks on the Herald Sun calibre drawing of a hairy penis formed into the shape of a love heart? Why not express the depths of your feels by presenting your lover with an illustrated ode to that one time in Mexico when you drunkenly suggested they let you pee on them which was clearly a joke and something both of you can laugh about now because you totally weren’t being serious, alright? 

That’s something we can all relate to, I think, and so does Sydney based illustrator Millie Hall whose genitalia heavy greeting card series is the crassest way to say I love you. It’s so quaint and jarring it’s like a six year old telling you to go fuck yourself.  

PC alternatives for the sweet – hugging avocado halves, chocolate dipped strawberries and a hallucinogenic menagerie of cats – are also available. 

We love it.    
Cards are available to purchase for $5 each at Millie’s Etsy store.